dark web auction site

Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the dark web bribes auction. We have many items for sale today so lets get started.

First I have received a letter from Mrs Trellis of North Wales complaining about the time it takes to get a replacement passport. Sorry luv, not us. If you applied on the dark web for a passport you would have received it by return of post. It appears you inadvertently were redirected to the official government website. Real official passport can take as long as 3 months. Sorry about that.




You have the catalogue, the rules apply, buyer beware. You may well ask what is the point of buying these politicians when the whole cabinet could be replaced if the UK gets a new Prime Minister. Only if they elect a competent Prime Minister. That is one in the present range of Tory members of Parliament. Desmond Swayne, Liam Fox, Ian Duncan Smith, Edward Leigh, Michael Fabricant or Mark Francois, no chance of a change of leadership.




Lot 1 Grant Shap, Transport, well in the pockets of the travel industry, put safety of the public before airline profits. Stopped testing incoming passengers reduced quarantine restrictions at the worst time, what do you bid. Come on gents, must be worth a punt, wrote a book about himself, a proper tosser, £10,000 to start. 5 then, 2 surely, how about a hundred to get things going. Ten pounds must be worth a tenner. No, no sale it is.

Come on Gents he is that incompetent they can't get rid of him. I want you to think about the potential not just their worth at present.




On ward and upward lot 2 Chris Grayling, not a Minister but loads of contacts, knows how to accept favours good hand shake, What have I as a bid, there is no reserve, do I have a bid?

A free lunch, is that a serious bid. OK one free lunch is he that cheap. One free lunch going, going , gone. Yours sir one useless politician for a free lunch.




Lot 3 Anne Marie Trevelyan, Replaced Liz Truss as trade, again no reserve price, what do we have ? £100 ,3, 8, one thousand one hundred thousand, any more? Come on folks she got £136,000 in expenses for a second home she doesn't use, so bound to worth more. A luxury home in Northumberland, Why? Oh I see it's her constituency, nice one but not relevant, as she spends most of her time on the Isle of Wight. A Coastguard cottage at Atherfield, a boathouse in Bembridge, We think that is a higher bid. Flat in Ventnor, now we are getting somewhere, any more on the flat in Ventnor, A cottage at Black Gang Chine I think you'll find is a lower bid. A flat in Cowes, a luxury flat in Cowes overlooking the Medina, any more. Gone to the luxury flat in Cowes. Well that will please your folks in Cowes. You're not from Cowes, from Northumberland, well that's one in the eye for the Southerners.




Lot 4 has been scratched tosser got caught. Owen Patterson no longer an MP, not worth much now a bit toxic.




Lot 5 Oliver Dowden Party Chairman, shakes hands well , will back Boris to the hilt, no conscience that any one has found yet. Knows how to spin a lie, what do we have £500, 000 opening bid good start 550k 600k any more. Don't be distracted by the alarm going off, we will check on it.




You say its a police raid, can't be the Met can't touch us. Oh Northumberland police, that's different,

abandon ship every one for themselves

getting the job done

Boris getting on with the job

getting the job done

whatever that means

seems a lot of fun

never in the office

always out on the run

visiting hospitals without a mask

hard working message spun

its all the fault of the media and public

those nasty liberals won

time to go

it must be time to go

sitting with distant relatives

you don't really know

fidgeting impatiently

irritation on show

ages you still have to endure

but you still can't go




a dispute about the land

your family think they own

papers say its no longer yours

though ancestors lie below

you have to walk with what you wear

worldly goods forego

time for you to go




a refugee in foreign lands

with red crosses on show

you know you are not wanted

and onward you must go

humanity is woefully absent

resented charity they bestow

it must be time to go




in a distant foreign land

the language you don't know

so you read the local books

of Shakespeare and Marlow

and at every reading

the knowledge begins to grow

its not the time to go




mind wanders constantly

speech faint and slow

photographs and music

rescue memories beneath the snow

it is painful to keep living

it must be time to go

power cuts

I got the latest gismos

I got the latest phone

with the nearest phone mast

in a far off sacred zone




then they called it Arwen

it came to visit me

knocking out the power

I used so carelessly




no water and no power

a line line working fine

told to get updates

on mobile phone and online




the battery is flat

Wi-Fi non existent

use the facebook pages

the companies are insistent




thankful of the landline

old analogue out of date

will be replaced with digital

that needs power to operate




when the cars are electric

and the batteries flat

when the county has no electricity

has anyone thought of that




just trust in technology

the politicians proclaim

with their bank of generators

on expenses they claimed

COP26 done

COP 26 safely done

say spokesmen for everyone

they have battled and have won

there is no blame for anyone




billionaires get off scot free

they can redefine poverty

island nations get more sea

deserts are an opportunity




air once clear full of smog

forest felled for those that log

truth is buried in cliché fog

government resort to shameful blog

final communique

the lord is great and has a plan

prayer is your salvation

don't worry about the weather

seek no education




this life is just the prelude

for the glory yet to be

you will be scooped to heaven

and live eternally




there will be no global warming

unless you've been bad

then into hell you'll be sent

just like your atheist dad




you will burn forever

damnation will be yours

because you don't pray enough

and do your godly chores




get on your knees pray to the lord

for his clemency

and may your death swiftly come

in painless ecstasy




and that is the final message

from the delegated host

it's business as usual

until the earth is toast

COP 26 parade

COP 26 is ending

there will be a parade

to celebrate the triumphs

and concession that they made




from the Micronesian islands

the crowd wait patiently

there will be nowt parading

there're submerged beneath the sea




from Europe in the costumes

of dirty brown and blood

thinking of the last year

all seems fire and flood




from the river Ganges

where pilgrims love to bathe

come bloated corpses of livestock

they weren't able to save




California with its fire

Alaska soaring heat

but they still drill for oil

buried beneath your feet




here comes the angry youth

with photographs to scorn

of the corrupted politicians

with catch phrase well worn




the conference didn't achieve much

the excuses come with ease

as the world press watched astounded

the camouflaging of sleaze

Ten young lads from Manchester

Ten young lads from Manchester

Hiding in a trench
In the mud of Flanders
Fighting for the French
One slipped off the duckboards
The sniper caught him well
With a bullet through the helmet
He didn’t even yell


Nine young lads from Manchester
Keeping heads well down
One slipped and lost his footing
In oozing mud he drowned
Shrapnel shells burst overhead
With no where to run
Hot metal tearing through their flesh
Another two had gone


Marching slowly onward
Six could not turn back
Three gas masks were damaged
When they took the gas attack
Bulging eyes and grasping hands
Foaming breath and spray
Tormented and in agony
All three passed away


The whistle blew” over the top”
The last three start to race
Two of them were cut in half
By machine gun bullet trace
The last young boy from Manchester
Sixteen and battle worn
Will be shot for cowardice
Tomorrows break of dawn

suspension

Oh the penny pinchers

the grubby little thieves

that take cash from unemployed

the right thing they believes




and of that grubby shabby host

is one Paterson

paid twice for shoddy work

and nothing good has done




called upon the health ministry

honest of working men

said his pals have found in milk

carcinogenic allergen




and if they will not sign today

a contract with loads of cash

he will release the news to the Sun

or other red top trash




thus they did report him

for lobbying with intent

they must account to tax payers

how their money is spent




the standards committee investigated

and agreed a heinous sin

and he should be barred for thirty days

and Government not let in




when an MP standards are wanting

the Whip is withdrawn

and he can face an election

by the constituents that he spawn




Paterson is still a conservative

the whip he holds dear

and his case is suspended

until new rules appear




the government has a majority

eighty seats they won

they will still have seventy nine

if reduced by one




a new committee will be appointed

if the honest will appear

it is as if this rotten government

has other revelations to fear

cleaning ghost

it is the night of Halloween
a time he came to dread
they said his house was haunted
folks often saw the dead
they say there was a woman
she could have been a witch
that did laundry and cleaning
for the local rich

he heard about the potions
to keep the dead away
about the gory pumpkin
each righteous house display
he heard about the ivy glade
where good souls must hide
the smearing of the garlic
and other rubbish people tried

so as the sun began to set
and the moon peeped round the cloud
he mumble his incantations
repetitive and loud
with his garlic and night supplies
into his den he crept
with Jack Daniels as his comforter
in a drunken haze he slept

inside the house was banging
screaming and a wailing
dust rose off the floor
and old paper bags were sailing
bubbles and soapy water splashed
rags were wet and flapping
dirty carpet rolled up and stacked
and floorboard grime was sapping

then the door banged very loud
as the spirits left the gloom
the sun was climbing in the sky
illuminating every room
he woke up with a hangover
and felt his tongue was fried
then unlocked the front door and
and slowly ventured inside

the house was finely scented
clean so spick and span
no sign of any rubbish
old pizzas or beer can
the old ghost had visited
but was no cause to fear
the cleaning ghost of bachelors
that calls once every year

a trip to the fair

Blind Alice and Madeline

went to the fair

Madeline tied a red ribbon

in Alice's hair

Alice heard of a fairground

but had never been there




she swung on the swing

on carousel spun

on stalls and the contest

prizes she won

she even saw light

as bright as the sun




her blinded eyes

could gradually see

the blind fog lifted

setting her free

as she ran round the fair

as content as could be




she could see Madeline

and saw Madeline's tear

there was no one else 

to see or to hear

the lights of the fairground

so perfectly clear




she was so happy

she was not alone

she wanted to stay

and never go home

Madeline gave her

a red engraved comb




the police car arrived

about half past ten

Alice was missing

not knowing quite when

they had check on her

now and again




A body was found

by an old farm stead

a comb in her hair

engraved and was red

the same comb as Madeline

when she was found dead

budget

need a bit more money

got to tax the poor

20 pound uplift

don't need that any more




must reward the workers

they don't need a safety net

with crooks and the scammer

out for what they'll get




reward public service

a pay rise would be fine

but swallowed by inflation

except on sparkling wine




government must play its part

midst growing discontent

must squeeze department budgets

and saving 5 percent




got to save the planet

it cost going green

lower airport taxes

and tax on kerosene

Ward cheeses

Jack Ward was a mixed farmer. He rented a farm in the Yorkshire Dales, Married Pat the girl from the farm next door, and had two children Alan and Joe. The milk went to the milk Marketing board, the wool to the wool board, the lambs to market. Money arrive regularly by cheque, work was hard. He was not poor but definitely not rich, life was good. Alan went to agricultural college, Joe to university studying bacteriology. Life was good.

When qualified Alan returned to the farm, met a girl at the Young farmers, and married. Joe met Mary who was doing business studies at university and married the year everything changed.




Pat's dad died, and they took on the tenancy of his farm. Sorting out the loft they came across old hand written books on cheese making and recipes from generations of cheese makers.

Britain decided they had too much milk, disbanded the milk marketing board and paid farmers a pittance for their milk.

The Ward family decided to use their milk to make cheese. Joe and Mary moved into his Grandfathers house, converted the out buildings into a dairy, cheese room, packaging, and storage room.

Alan expanded the milking parlour and did the milking. Jack run the stock and farms.

When all other farmers went out of native breeds and into heavy yielding Holstein. Jack bought the Ayrshires, Short Horn and Guernsey. He sold the milk to Joe, Joe sold the whey back to Jack for his pigs. After much practice trials and failures Joe found and developed 6 recipes for cheese that had local appeal and customers..

Joe entered the Melton Mowbray cheese contest, and set off with Mary (heavily pregnant ) for the show. It snowed. They arrived just in time to enter the cheeses and tried to find a place to stay as the hotel they intended to stay at was cut off by snow drifts. A local artisan cheesemaker having no room in the house offered them the cheese plant to stay in. It was better than it sounded, the place was heated although no milk got through. There was an office with seating that was converted into beds. There was a small kitchen for tea making. Mary gave birth that night to Peter. Peter was placed in the cheese vat which was a steady 36 degrees just like an incubator.




Next day three judges from the show turned up to present the prizes. Out of the six cheeses entered three won first the others were second narrowly beaten by an established cheese consortium.

With the cheques came a bottle of Suntory Gold whiskey from the Japanese sponsor, French brandy from Rem Martin, and a bottle of Merlot from a wine sponsor . Shepherds and farmers popped in regularly to check all was OK, as the family was well known in farming circles.




Two years later Mary gave birth to Paul. The cheese sold well, and life was good. The Cheese consortium was not happy as at all future shows Ward cheeses beat them, and they wanted revenge.

They first tried to buy them out, But Joe refused. They then started a smear campaign to reduce sales. That didn't work as Yorkshire folk look after their own. Then they brought in the lawyers.

It was too much for Jack, who had a heart attack with the stress, six months after Pat died of breast cancer. The land owners decided to revoke the tenancy. Alan packed up farming and set up a trendy Tapas bar in Spain, selling fish and chips, and John Smiths bitter to British holiday makers, on holiday, to get away from it all. Joe and Mary headed North where smallholdings were cheaper.

They found a deserted 50 acre dairy farm near the Cheviot hills. Within weeks they were back in production with a much reduced herd. Life was good.




When old enough Peter and Paul set up with their own smallholdings Peter with a herd of Goats and Paul with sheep. They all made cheese, based on the original recipes but modified for the milk of the animal they used. Life was good, sales boomed.

The big Cheese consortium soon found the dreaded competition was back. They could not bribe the land owner to kick them off, as Joe Ward owned the land. They could not smear or intimidate them as Northern folk know what's good and are loyal. They decided to go for the politicians.

With the help of a few brown envelopes they convinced the politicians that a shortage of cheese would occur, if stricter rules on small dairies were not brought in. Farm visits and snap inspections followed.




Paul had done a course in marketing, was head of publicity and showing the unwelcome visitors round the farms. After a few months the inspectors realised that they were being used, Their visits became friendly and more like fire side chats. They visit weekly for tea and coffee and to buy cheese . A café was built overlooking the cheese room and leased out to a couple that wanted to sell organic products locally. The farm shop was the next logical step.




Peter had attended the Schumacher college , and was evangelical about small is beautiful. He studied the modern method of supermarket just in time and exposed the flaws in newspapers and periodicals, being a natural cartoonist his criticisms were devastating. He established a web site for would be reporters and satirists, and produced the how to range of books. Ward publishing soon followed employing locally, and run by a reporter and editor from a local paper bought out and closed by a national company.

life was good.




Joe was killed on the A1 In a traffic accident. He was hit by an HGV driving on the wrong side of the road at the Belford crossroad. It was good Friday the A&E department 50 miles away was full of drunks. He was alive when they arrived at the hospital , but the 3 hour wait in the ambulance did for him. He didn't stand a chance, in an overworked hospital with staff shortages. The national papers became aware of the accident and went on the offensive blaming Joe for the accident as he tried to stop much needed deliveries of cheese to the supermarket chain. The Wards hit back locally. The Sun newspaper sale plummeted, help by the Liverpool football supporters action group.




Small producers selling locally to local shops was the only way forward for the Wards. They had enough customers, regular and returning. Shops outside their delivery range wanted their cheese and tried to persuade the Wards to expand. They did not, instead they produced a free web guide on how to set up a small dairy. Everything a smallholder needs to know from getting a Holding number to EU health and safety regulations, and risk assessments. They published the recipes of how to make their cheeses. A web site was established for shops that wanted Ward style cheese, and who was up and running in the area. Shops and producers came together exchanged ideas and requests for help.

Life is good,

Ward cheeses are ever popular . At Christmas a good time for cheese sales , many customers head out to the local shops for Ward cheeses.

Today , up and down the country people are singing the praises of the Ward Cheeses

A Class Divided (full film) | FRONTLINE

green is good

green is good

it's what we need

loads of stuff

loads of greed

business as usual

take no heed

of all the critics

with the doubting seed




an economy brisk

is where its at

cheap gaudy shops

all full of tat

under a quid

I'll ave some of that

Britain is great

says the autocrat




the green shirts are coming

with sandals and carrot

economic figures

not smoke screen and tarot

drinking tea

not champagne and claret

they worked for their money

they didn't inherit

Good communication

listening to the world service with correspondents from around the world.

Each one trying to explain difficult subjects clearly but with their country accents.

I listened to what they had to say.

Then came the reporter from the Post in America. Her murder of the English language was brutal, The words were slurred, mumbled, and vowels flat. Her lazy mouth unable yo annunciate properly. Does it matter?

As a listener I had to concentrate on what she was saying like I was hearing a foreign language. My concentration slipped to noting the murder of her words, the context of what she was saying not so important.

My impression of the interview was , she could not be bothered what I thought. She would speak as she wanted to, and I would have to put up and shut up. This in a nutshell is the American attitude. America first, the only country that matters, you will have to take it and shut up.


Sadly I found myself listening to the Russian correspondent and the Chinese contributor more. It was a bit like an Essex barrow boy speaking on behalf of the Scottish Government !

Halloween birth

It was so romantic

the exchange of the rings

a date in late October

nuptials gift will bring




the flat would be too crowded

new houses they would view

a cottage outside a village

too good to be true




they moved in so quickly

the villages shook their head

no one would live in that house

with a history best not said




as the bump began to grow

a apparition spied

a woman dressed in white

out the corner of he eye




she thought she saw the same again

daily but getting nearer

and the white dress turning grey

the vision getting clearer




now the vision stood looking in

the stomach looking hollow

moving to another room

the apparition would follow




asking the villages what could it be

no one would reply

as she became insistent

they would not look in her eye.




The kicking and discomfort grew

twas a baby from hell

the apparition became more concave

as she began to swell




the child was born premature

didn't take a breath

she too faint to understand

far too close to death.




The apparition came into view

now was dressed in black

the concave waist had disappeared

a normal shape was back




as she passed the birthing bed

no one else could see

she seemed to sing a happy tune

to one in misery




the apparition smiled

and revealed her mouth beneath

rows and rows of baby skulls

look just like teeth




the villages came to see her

tried to bring some cheer

the hunger of the barren witch

is quenched for a year

Small is beautiful impressions of Fritz Schumacher

a poet writes

In garret high on bitter fruit

a poet writes and wasted youth

with words not of loving pursuit

but against the mighty seeking truth




as anger and resentment flow

the corrupted seek the poetic ire

and money passed that they should know

to seize and snuff that patriotic fire




there is a blue plaque on the wall

years since the disappearance

where the poet wrote defying all

rehabilitated by inference

a title

The head man wanted a new tittle

to put behind his name

wants to stand out from the crowd

and not call the same

fed up with a consultant

adviser, and director

team leader, manager

controller, and inspector

so he asked the workforce

to help in his request

they unanimously agreed

the bugger was a pest

Causes of fuel shortage

Causes of fuel shortage

Boris!


After a year of lockdowns and working from home. Fuel needs slumped. World wide there was a glut of fuel and prices hit the floor. Production eased.

People told to work from home. The air was cleaner the countryside recovered. Less litter and dumping.

Public transport companies went bust and handed back contracts to government.

People using public transport, found a seat, was comfortable, and not crowded. They had to sanitize and wear masks for the journey.

City centres were clean, free of litter, homeless, and traffic jams. We can't have that!



Tory donors like Wetherspoons needed the day time economy. In response eat out to help out. A second spike, a rise in deaths, and further lockdown.

Now with the second jab and ending furlough back to normal.


The public do not want crowded tubes and trains so have taken to the car. Work from home discourages and staff force back into the office. Many staff working from home moved to the country, to houses with gardens and space to work.


The result, more cars on the streets, more congestion , less rail and tube commuters, fewer buses, more fuel needed.


With less HGV drivers (Covid or Brexit or both) Fuel runs short. When it comes to delivery  of fuel, Rural garages with low turn over sacrificed for busy garages in towns, . More fuel needed to find a garage in town. The rural folks fill up because there is no fuel locally, pressure on town garages and they begin to run out. City garages and service station experience higher fuel demands, some run out. People ask if any one knows where you can get fuel on social network sites. Media hear about it, Media storm and panic.


Response from Boris, blame the drivers for filling up and panic buying. No need to panic. British public now aware there is a government shit show, panic buy.


What should have happened , delay driving people back into the office until infrastructure is capable of attracting commuters to train and bus. Lower prices of public transport. Train HGV drivers to replace and restore fuel and food supplies. Open up and support essential sectors first. Slow ending of lockdown. Preplanning precludes piss poor performance.


That didn't happen, we have more sickness, hospitalisation and daily deaths, a crumbling infrastructure.



First steps should have been, back to working from home, and furlough, not bring in the Army and tell everyone not to panic.


Collect your toys, Time to go Boris

shortages

the government has announced comprehensive plans to deal with the latest shortage of daft ideas.




Since leaving the EU there has been an unforeseeable surge in daft ideas. Since the demise of Dom the blinded, daft ideas have not been generated in sufficient quantity to cope with the demands of Government. Do not Panic!

It is unhelpful collecting daft ideas from America. Without Donald J (jenius) Trump they are not so prolific. Do not even think about Europe, they have exported all theirs.




Gove the grovelling and Patel the merciless are on to it. We can look forward to a barrage of crap any day soon, Failing this emergency measure, Grayling has been brought to stand by , from obscurity on the backbenches.




In the meantime DO NOT PANIC. All ministers will be issued with extra union jacks to stand in front of at press briefings. The Prime Minister has ordered three tiers of Union jacks at all his briefings to pacify the Mail and Telegraph.




The military have been alerted, and will seize the last remaining Idi Amin's book of competent governance, so all is in hand.




You have had the Pasties tax, the caravan tax, the extra room tax, Eat out to help out, and a whole raft of Covid measures, made null and void by travel and no quarantine.




This Government prides itself on daft ideas, we can assure you there will be no discernible shortage.




DO NOT PANIC, DO NOT PANIC BUY



issued by the department of stupidity

Changes

chief executive sees a way to increase the share value and earn a stonking bonus, announces changes.

A top managers sees a flaw and is outspoken.

Top manager talked down and accused of disloyalty, backward and anti-progress. Other mangers join in criticism to secure their positions.

Middle management look at the changes in horror and say they will not work. Accused of disloyalty

Middle management realise the changes will go ahead, try to alert top management of problems and solutions if possible. Top management accuse them of talking management down.

Changes come into force, workers leave, middle managers accused of the shit show and sacked.

Media hype

Chief executive moves on to higher paid job being considered as a strong manager.

Company sold and goes bust.

Managers that tried to warn of outcome blamed

invisibility

he wanted to be invisible

alive but no one could see

In youth it was irresistible

and what he wanted to be




to work on pranks and joking

confuse but unobserved

tickles, strokes, and poking

and more if they deserved




but was was seen protesting

on Cable street front line

against the black shirt strutting

of our tolerance decline




arrested for his opposition

to that glorious parade

he was given a proposition

jail, or the army, to evade




with marching feet he went to war

seen clearly by the foe

to hold the ground in battles roar

how long he did not know




rearguard battle of retreat

to open up a door

to snatch victory from defeat

from the Dunkirk shore




in peace he marched with ideals

his medals his on display

so clearly seen on newsreels

with his military beret




Aldermaston to Trafalgar square

ban the bomb campaign

so proud to say that he was there

against a policy insane







invisible is now so loathsome

he is totally unseen

just a mirage he has become

in a land once so green




just a homeless wandering tramp

seeking a charitable table

filthy, numb, and battle cramped

a mind no longer stable




if you want a superpower

a moral this should be

what will never empower

is crude invisibility

shuffle

Minsters in the passage

red box on the knee

pleading for their jobs

you can't possibly sack me




I know how to glad hand

I can take favours from all

the party will be poorer

when the back benches call




my friends will desert me

if my jobs expire

I will get no free gifts

and pay subscriptions to Esquire




I will have to get a second job

write articles for the Mail

like the slimy toads that gets my job

I'll make sure the buggers fail

Internal investing

 

The conservatives are very proud of the amount of UK companies bought out by foreign investors.

They claim the companies are more efficient and make more profit, which benefits the UK.


Horlicks!


The USA tax system allows overseas investment to be put against USA taxes due.

That means if a company like Trump owes 1 million dollars they can buy a golf course for 1 million dollars and pay no tax. US treasury loses, it does not mean the UK profits. Next year the profit from that golf course goes back to the USA and another golf course is bought.


Internal investors do not care about the company they bought. They want profit, short term.

So step one reduce staff, working conditions and pensions.

Step two disband research and development and maximise profit.

Step three sell with a healthy profit line on the accounts.



With no research and development the company will fail, they will not be able to employ old staff even if they could as they will not be trusted.


America has found it is not profitable to invest in research and technology. Out of one hundred ideas, only one if ever, makes it to being profitable. It is easier to buy up a company that had the idea and made it work.



The UK should impose a new tax of 50% of the company worth on any outside investor. If they are still serious they will buy, as they have nothing to lose.



With that tax revenue you could buy a new red bus with a slogan, or better still invest it in university research facilities.

not now

the bed is almost in half

you almost sit up straight

bored to death at nine AM

which feels like being late

wires sticking out of every part

monitoring your fate




the staff walk by on missions

with you, they can't delay

so much work, so little time

and far too little pay

they even have a slick procedure

when you pass away




visitors talk in whispers

your illness brings much fear

you promise to follow all orders

instructions you'll adhere

you know you will have to die

lord, not now, and not here

transaction tax

 

The reason for the increase in NI contributions was COVID?

Many small firms went bust.

Few made a stonking fortune.




Time to realign the tax system, not by increasing NI but a transaction tax on internet retailers.

They use the country's infrastructure and don't pay for it.

They out compete the high street by not paying a fair tax.




Just for a start, all internet transaction, which will include Amazon, eBay, Alibaba apple etc. will have to pay for every transaction 5 p would be a fair start.




If you are a billionaire you are not paying a fair tax. Paying your way is better than lopping off your head

Boris

Boris the oven ready

never makes mistakes

never watched a spider

never burnt the cakes

never rallied the troops at Harfleur

with a speech of do or die

just stood at the despatch box

telling lie after lie after lie

spoilt indulgent childhood

inglorious misspent youth

the lying little shite

will never tell the truth

There are no food shortages

Food shortages won't happen

that's just project fear

said that believable Nigel Farage

the BREXIT pioneer




now the shelves are empty

tis a pity and a shame

shift the blame to Covid

or immigrants are to blame




don't worry about your income

and your manufacturing skill

the brain drain and jobs overseas

as standards slip downhill




Boris the ever truthful

honest to the core

has promised the sunny uplands

and unicorns galore




there is money aplenty

you can get on the housing rung

just sign up as a Tory supporter

and get some honours for a bung

America oh America

America oh America

what has become of you

the whole world invested in you

in nineteen twenty two




soaring stocks then came the crash

the world looked on in awe

as you bounced back with the new deal

much stronger than before




then fighting in world war two

following  an attack

all the influence you may have lost

all came flooding back




in the fifties we like what we saw

and all wanted the same

in the sixties all was wild and  free

and Russia was to blame




the seventies you went astray

lost in Vietnam

the eighties you were humiliated

with Cuba and Iran




the nineties put all behind

brought the cold war to an end

carried spending on defence

with nothing to defend




2001 you took revenge

and went on the attack

invaded Afghanistan

and then on to Iraq




and there you kept on fighting

for oil supply domination

now your leaving Afghanistan

in complete devastation




and so the world looks again at you

what will you do next

with ineffectual leaders

and world problems so complex

foreign Secretary

Holiday time to relax

cancel phone and mail

a phone call from Afghanistan?

Junior ministers will avail

no one cares about a failing state

except the Daily Mail




the Mail said I was incompetent

a political disgrace

for every situation

I've got another face

Boris is a pal of mine

I'll never get replaced




photo shot of me on the phone

pumped up with agitation

far to competent to sack

no hint of resignation

always talking on the phone

no hint of hesitation

third rate Foreign secretary

of a four rate trading nation

the darkest hour

We will desert them on the beaches

when starving cold and ill

we will desert them on the killing ground

the shallows and the hill

we will always surrender

where there's no profit there's no will




in the annals of human conflict

in the unjust war

never has so few

screwed up like this before

the rapacious elected 

so many they ignore

a Churchillian finest hour?

what was it all for?

Covid's coming home

 

“ Its coming home, Gary”

“Yes Simon it's coming home, Covid is coming home. We are at Wembley so 60,000 COVID supporter cheering on a football team. Many more are doing the same in pubs clubs restaurants and outdoor events, so super spreading.”

“So Gary are we to believe Covid is going to win the match?”

“Could do but its not that simple and it is a game of two halves Simon. Let me explain the rules.

Covid has any number of players on the pitch at any time, can substitute, anytime any place.




At the moment we have the China variant, Kent, South African, Brazilian, Indian and Nepal. Every one of them makes copies badly which results in a variant. Some variants are harmless and that strain dies out. Others are highly effective at transmission but not fatal, Sadly some are highly transmittable and deadly.

Some will infect the young, some will only be fatal to old and infirm. Others will result in long term health concerns like long Covid. Serious stuff.




“And our team Humanity, what have we got going for us, Gary”

“We have loads but there is always the offside rule for example:-

Communications, we can inform the whole world where the virus is dominant, where to avoid, how to restrict infection, and how to protect the public. We also have the internet, sick minds that deny there is a pandemic. Religious groups that say its Gods will to deal with those their book dislikes. (Same people that believe God would not allow global warming.) Into the mix of true and false statements we have politicians.”




“We are doomed Gary!”

“No quite, some of the extreme politicians have been removed so some ray of hope.”

“Boris, and his cabal?”

“Work in progress Simon, we can only hope.




The other great plus is vaccination. Admittedly a bit behind the curve but making progress. More than one vaccine available and enough to vaccinate the world. Sadly some one has to pay for it and the rich world wants to vaccinate their folks first, so the poor countries continue to produce dangerous variants. One world Simon some have not realised that yet.




The fall back position is isolation.”

“Like New Zealand and Australia Gary?”

“Yes Simon just like they did, and other small countries without sheds load of money, they managed to get on top of the outbreak, but where is the profit in that!




Close to home, Boris is making a dash for freedom. Whilst still under restrictions, the numbers of infected are rising, rapidly. In response the government is opening up quicker, sooner we get herd immunity, the better.




“So Gary the game plan for Covid is more mixing, and the game plan for the government is more mixing?”

“Quite right Simon, two teams using the same strategy for opposite reasons, You couldn't make it up! Then again it is a game of two halves, Where is Southgate when you need him?

“At Wembley Gary?”

“At Wembley Simon, cough cough. Covid's coming home, its coming home.”

“well there you have it from Gary at Wembley, hope he gets well soon and stays there, the weather Over to Carol at Wimbledon”

God Bless the poets

God bless the poets

God loves everyone

that picked the pen and pad

putting down the gun




words flow like lovers tears

a heartache every line

jilted or rejected

for morales in decline




trying to change a lonely heart

or government corrupt

dying in the garret

alone and abrupt




only wanted a fair world

and love so often sought

lying amongst his poems

none sold or any bought

government of talents

A government of talents

or a charabanc of fools

they say it's for guidance

for poor it's the rules




for ministers and aides

that fondle when they meet

the press is an intrusion

for action not discreet




sacking or resignation

would be the protocol

mealy mouth apologies

grieving families appall

Greed Poker

Good evening. You join me at the most unusual event in the calendar.

This event like the Olympics happens ever four years in theory. However due to dysfunctional administration this is the first event for 25 years. Welcome viewers to the greed poker finals.


We have players from teams. The teams that made the final this year are Agribusiness, a perennial at the table, won this event many times. A confident player. The food industry. A new comer to the game with loads of talent and initiative. The military always a strong player, and finally banking and finance, won many times in the past, a bad loser.


The devil is said to love poker, but no sign of a team, but then he could be playing incognito or sponsoring one of the players. It is hard to tell who isn't sponsored by the devil .


The dealer is chosen at random from what is perceived as an honest broker. It is hard to find an honest broker, and when you do, they refuse, not wanting to be associated with the corruption of the players. We have had refusals from Amnesty international, Human rights watch and the world health. This year the only candidate is Santa Claus.


The green baize table is super wide to allow for social distancing and the cards dealt by barge pole.

Santa has dealt the first cards successfully and the military has placed a bet. The stakes are one Liam Fox. Was a defence secretary sacked for lying, great Brexiteer. They have all covered the bet. They are all in, and yet no one has seen a card. This surely must be a bluffers bluff.


Two cards dealt, no further raise of the stake, no one has looked at their cards yet.

Three cards dealt, Agribusiness has looked at their cards and raised the stakes by one Theresa Villiers. Villiers was an environment secretary promised all to both farming and environment, lied to both. All covered every one but Banking looked at their cards.


Interesting Banking has raised one Neil Hamilton blind. That means all players must double the stake to stay in. All players gone for Neil and Christine Hamilton, pair of crooks that became TV celebs. Banking seems to be going for bankrupt strategy, to force the pace. All players still in the game. Santa has dealt all 5 cards. Players looking at their cards except banking. A very tense moment. Military has place their cards on the table and raised one Robert Buckland. Sharp intake of breath from the audience. A Present Cabinet minister keen Boris supporter tipped for seedier things.

Other players covered, all still in the game.


Banking has raised the stakes one Sajid Javid. Very high bid, once tipped for higher things, was forefront in Grenfell Towers incident, promised to leave no tern unstoned but did nothing.


An eerie silence has descended all players eyeing the others intently. One must be bluffing. Food has raised one Robert Jenrick. Here is a man that knows how to take favours. Agri raised one George Eustice, highly incompetent in all but spin. Military raised one Priti Patel. The banking team crack and look at their cards. Is the stake too high. Some bum shuffling and sweaty palm to be seen. The game continues all players still in. Military raised one Grant Shap they must have a great hand to bid this low life weasel.


Agri counters with a Liz Truss. Food has folded. This incompetent wazzack too much for for horse meat and dubious food ingredients.

Banking has raised One Gavin Williamson. That's it Agri has gone, cruel use of a utter incompetent lying rouge. Just banking and military left, both staring intently. Military makes the move. The bid One Matt Hancock. The audience reel back, what a bid must be the worst of all lying incompetents.

Banking raised One Gove . This must be it the ultimate cheat liar and incompetent. Nothing could be higher. Military covers still in the game. What more can Banking do, are they bluffing?

Banking looks at their cards again, Military gives the cold emotionless stare. Banking leans forward and raises One Boris Johnson, the most incompetent and deceitful holder of high office. Must be game over?

Military looks at their cards. They order drinks and a towel to dry sweaty palms. The Audience waits for Military to fold or see. Is the bid too high?

Military pulls from under the table in the gutter one Dominic Cummings. Banking has gone, didn't even pay to see. What a bid. The highest you can place before a military coup. Was it the threat of a police state that forced banking to quit after so much support for Johnson? We will never know, and we will never know what cards the players were holding.


What a night, Military a clear winner, police state round the corner civil liberties under threat. On that depressing note we return you to the studio.

Hugh

Glory hallelujah

Glory hallelujah

hallowed be his name

he made and formed your character

so you're not to blame

all the evil things you do

is just a pity and a shame




god is on our side

the generals reassure

it's on your belt buckle

your mission is pure

in a world of slaughter

your legions are the cure




god knows your inner thoughts

and likes what you think

he is the one alternative

to toxic drugs and drink

you may need a priestly absolution

but you'll never need a shrink

Glory hallelujah

You think we need to pray more?

The once verdant forest

now a field of mud

the climate oscillates constantly

from severe drought to flood

indigenous forest dwellers

lie in pools of blood

You think we need to pray more?




There are riots outside a mosque

a desecration of a shrine

death threats to a journalist

that ridiculed the divine

churches are just empty shells

congregations in decline

You think we need to pray more?




Weapons of mass destruction

in the hands of the devout

refugees crisscross the globe

Governments keeps them out

successive empty collections plates

from congregations of doubt

You think we need to pray more?




Religions fight religions

in their holy war

death tolls are higher

than any war before

only the accountant

has a monetary score

You think we need to pray more?

I am Spartacus

the sweat shop floor is home
to an immigrant slave
punishment is cruel and harsh
if you don't behave
thinking and questioning
foolishly so brave

thinking they are alone
in a country so proud
silence of the underdog
so deafeningly loud
police ignore, blind eye
head bowed

when they escape
the au pair, child minder
nanny, weaver, seamstress
barista coffee grinder
sheet metal worker
backstreet bookbinder

I am Spartacus uttered
on every impoverished lip
in every dark corner
of a container ship
nothing more to lose
suicidal fellowship

flattering

you sing like marcel Marceau
and dance like Mozart
debating of Charlie Cairoli
with the humour of Bonaparte


you are so praise worthy
it is almost earth shattering
that in my humble honest way
I can be so flattering

when the heart is racing

When the heart is racing

and rosy cheeks do glow

there's a tingling on the shoulder

and a twitching of the toe

the mind is often absent

that's how love will show




passing often past a door

longing for those within

dreams at night hot and damp

no fear of mortal sin

thoughts of normal gone awry

loves trickery begins




a craving that can not be quenched

purpose obscure and confused


the heart blames the logical mind

and claims it's being used

separation anxiety manifest

to a heart that feels abuse

I know she's wrong

 

I know she's wrong and she knows it

is a confrontation near?

Should I boldly proclaim I am right

or meekly say yes dear

yes dear

they work for us

They work for us the politicians

well that's what they say

thinking of us constantly

working night and day

making life much better

with rises in our pay




our nurses are important

is what politicians say

we look after them

working night and day

and think they work much harder

with no rises in their pay




we want a world of tranquillity

a world of constant peace

so they buy the biggest bomb

the latest masterpiece

annihilation is so threatening

the threat may now decrease




when the bombing starts

in the glorious war

we may need some nurses

more than we did before

but they have gone to better jobs

on a foreign shore

paddy's day at Cheltenham

 Because it was a special day

they thought about the pub

the Guinness the Bushmills

and all the lovely grub

but being in lock down

and not been let out yet

they thought about the racing

and thought they'd have a bet

Begora say Patrick

I think we'll have a go

the three thirty an Cheltenham

seems quite a show

there's Boris, and there's Matt

Liz Truss and Sunak

Jenrick, Eustice Raab

and more they could back

the race was for a furlough

with a handicap of mistakes

and all the runners dressed in blue

for the covid lockdown stakes

the horses went in the starting blocks

the starter raised the gun

all was back stabbing and positioning

before the race begun

get ready said the starter

a punter loudly said

shoot the fecking jockeys

tis a joy to see them dead

the gun went bang and they were off

there was no leading pack

thinking some one was to blame

they all headed back

the horses were busy grazing

the jockeys simply shrugged

so there will be a stewards enquiry

to find which had not been drugged

thin ice skating

Welcome to the international ice skating championships. Its a bitterly cold day but we have been assured the ice is very thin in some places. So a cautious approach needed by all contestants.


The first skater to take the ice was to be Meghan Markle. But there has been a name change and other complications. We will no doubt see her later.

So first up is Priti Patel, accomplished thin ice skater, has form, but can she lift the trophy this year.


Each skater must complete standard manoeuvrers in their performance. They must do a maximum of eight jumps, a maximum of 3 spins and one step sequence. Unlike other events you can be completely airborne and have no contact with the ground or reality. The judges today seem to like blue sky and mystical. So symbolic unicorns sunny upland is an advantage in this event.


Patel has started badly, missed her footing and sacked. But has made a recovery. Landed in a prime job, with a believing patron. Slight wobble on the staff treatment, bit of bullying seems to have done the trick. Good steady performance at total about face a couple of times. Mingling spin not needed may count against her. A total lockdown called for last March was pulled off, but seemed insincere. She seems unflappable. The bullying in the early part of her routine might come to haunt her. Otherwise a good steady performance.

We await the scores. Not bad 67 at a normal event it could even be the top score




Next up Grant Shap

Another from the bullying stable. It hasn't changed his outlook or performance. Nothing learnt, nothing new seems his best policy. Dancing in a transport mode, we can expect the same bluff and brass he is accomplish at. Starting his routine with spectacular hoop jumping. Well followed party line. Manage two backward jumps while still smiling at where he had been. Beautiful spin following a jump very impressive. Oh dear, going so well when a new variant skidded across the ice and caught him unawares. Quarantine not up to standard only 1% housed in quarantine hotels . Could be the end of a promising performance, but beautifully engineered spin at the end could save him. The crowd like him, round of applause there. Now the score 66.6. Not a bad effort


flash of sequins bit of glitter, it's the Gove up next.

Skating for Lancaster, Top job so far. Got a good turn with the Brexit hoop jumping, spinning well. Some of the spins are so fast it makes him look multifaceted. Slowing down a bit, empty shelf syndrome. Quick turn of teething problems and will be all spun out well. Looks a bit wobbly, not a very convincing performance. He seems to have done enough. We expected more from this star performer, but the spin seems better than a steady direction, and improved wealth.

Scores 66.6 could have done better


There is Gavin at the rink edge. So eager this lad.

Skating for Education, previous sponsor sacked him. Education what could possibly go wrong. We all want a good performance. We all believe in a prosperous future with well educated workforce. He doesn't need to shine, just not do badly. Tripped on the rink edge, not a good start. Now he is going for it all guns blazing, a hesitation. Stumbling at an Easter lockdown. Threatening teachers and parents, not going down well with the judges. A call for disqualification and end of the dance.

The objection is overridden he skates on. Lost his confidence no pizazz. He has hobbled his way to the end of the routine, but definitely no skater.

No score judges can not agree how bad he has been

The audience seem to have lost interest. So have the judges. So we will switch you back to the studio to watch paint dry.

Welcome back to our viewers. You join us at the presentations. To be honest the performers have been abysmal. Notable among the poor performances is Mat Hancock. We thought he was skating for the NHS but it appears he has other sponsors. The performance was so bad that catching Covid was his high point.

Sunak looked like doing a good job, failed on taxing his chums but cutting wages dismal score. I would not want to be him if he became ill.

Dominic Raab total wash out talked tough at friends, caved in with despots. Left Brits in foreign jails. Appalling performance

Robert Jenrick too busy looking for a full wallet to do his routine.

Liz Truss out on a limb but manage to do a deal with Australia which we already had. Scores nothing

George Eustice bold action saving the environment then blows it all with a neonicotinoids about turn mid air and comes down on the GM side of the rink. Blown the farming industry, cheap imports and over restricted home farmers. We don't know what his routine was all about. Did the Brexit sunny uplands but with no idea of where it will all end. We were glad when his routine finished.


All the contestants are lined up for the presentation. Its Meghan of Sussex. We knew she would be here but thought she was a skater on thin ice, It appears she is the highly paid guest celebrity. She will be presenting the awards in her own subdued way.


The ice is beginning to crack. The whole cast is being swallowed by the lake. They will be rescued? Sorry about that apparently they will not be rescued as the emergency services are all out looking for a well paid second job.


The lake is still, they have all gone . They will be missed. Sorry I've been told they wont be missed. Good news the ice is reforming, we may be able to use it again shortly.

Back to the studio

value for money

There is a shortage of nursing staff
with covid many died
respect and a living wage
the government has denied
foreign countries beckon
with effective PPE supplied


immigration controls at the border
that look at future pay
staff with medical degrees
are sadly turned away
meaning more acute shortages
of nurses that chose to stay


so they will have to pay agency staff
the shortages to affray
budget will be broken
patients turned away
This is value for money
healthy politicians say

an evangelical prays

An evangelical was heard to say

god answers him when he kneels to pray

in other lands every day

those in need most fervently pray

and yet no answer for that padre

as if the pleas have gone astray




they pray more in flood or drought

in pestilence they are devout

in famine and strife they never doubt

the good lord hears and will sort out

when there's no news an enforced blackout

then in a war when they're bombed out

there are an awful lot of prayers about




the evangelist prays are worth more

they have the money they implore

they pray so gusty with fervour

will spend some copper on the poor

and god loves them they are sure

and they will win a holy war

holding back

When he was poor and struggling

the government held him back

gave him just the basics

from other peoples tax




then he had a grand idea

used others to achieve

he told them he was a genius

they worked hard cos they believed




soon he earned a fortune

taxes he could pay

but he didn't pay it

his fortune was stashed away




the poor people that he swindled

poised for the attack

now he has the money

the government must hold them back

Yorkshire nativity

A Yorkshire man and his wife

was going down the pub

they'd been travelling all day

looking forward to some grub




eh up landlord do you have

a spare room at your inn

me misses is in the pudding club

and I think she's t' begin




'ave yea tried the maternity ward

at the cottage hospital

alas they've been cut backs

and all the wards are full




maybe you have a stable

to use as a crib and bed

as the tour de France has finished

you can use the new bike shed




does it have running water

where I can brew some tea

if it did I'd have to pay

the spare room subsidy




so in the shed in a mudguard

used as a crib

they used a Tetleys beer mat

when feeding as a bib




then on the satellite TV

sponsored by Sky

they announced a dancer is born

to kiss Brucie good bye




three celebrities from Strictly

with gifts for the new king

had myrrh scented gold lame trousers

that Frank said to bring




then came traffic wardens

and sheep rustlers in a car

there were more folks in the bike shed

than in the public bar






and so the pub landlord

feeling much aggrieved

said he would be mega chuffed

if you chav's would leave




so they did a moonlit flit

in a second hand ford Ka

and never paid the lodgings

or for the drinks behind the bar




so let this be a lesson

at this festive time

stay at home for Christmas

and watch the TV pantomime

poppies

 

Poppies are red and black
They even tried them white
From First World War to Iraq
The price is never right

bad weather

 

sitting in my sitting room
outside I don't want to be
I smile and watch wet presenters
shivering on TV
reporting on the weather
with crashing waves behind
in warm heated studios
weather forecasters are confined

when old meet

when you reach that certain age
and a few more years beside
the conversation when friends meet
is who's seriously ill or died

government of lies

The government will crack down

on those they despise

those nasty tweets and bloggers

that expose Government lies

There will be a minister

he may be in disguise

sniffing round your social sites

like the cold war spies




a government of lies

is one that you can trust

world leading and world beating

resilient and robust

any question asked of them

it is always well discussed

common-sense and logic

is rarer than gold dust

want to buy a burger?

want to buy a burger?
beef are you sure?
with all the gristle and the fat
you hope the meat is pure
supermarkets reputations
for this scandal is at stake
there's such an amalgam of meats
but guaranteed not snake?

tailgating fine

tail gating and lane hogging
from today will be fined
£100 for each offence
are police budgets in decline?

the majority of courteous drivers
don't panic and relax
it's a way of making money
just a BMW tax

off to war

off to war the youth will go
planting crosses row on row
for their country they want to fight
it isn't wrong, but never right

scrooge the banker

 

the night before Christmas
Scrooge the banker was in bed
when he had a nasty dream
going through his head

he saw a customer of yesteryear
with revenge in his eye
seeking compensation
for miss selling PPI

then law courts of today
prying and digging
hitting them with mega fines
for interest rate rigging

he saw the government of future
with policies so rash
demanding public information
where he stowed his cash

he woke up in a panic
then in logic he relaxed
there has never been a government
that charged a proper tax

internet shopping

E bay and internet shopping
the concept seems so grand
with product descriptions
only estate agents understand
you pay a fortune for a product
you would reject if held in hand

post Valentine

So you could not find the rose

the colour of her cheek

or find the card with loving words

you think but never speak

you couldn't find the diamond ring

to brighten up her hand

or make a candle lit supper

that didn't taste so bland

for you are just a normal man

come and sit by me

as we take that quiet trip

that ends in Coventry

health retreat

they said go to a health retreat
to have the weight you seek
I went for only fourteen days
and only lost two weeks

Westminster breakfast treat

 

I love politicians

I love them best on toast

the most delicious that I've found

are those that lie the most




Our media savvy government

speaking with one voice

for my gourmet breakfast

I’m completely spoiled for choice

all in this together

We're all in this together

we believe in herd immunity

so the old will bite the dust

we have compliant scientist

to try and win your trust

it will only affect the poor

not the upper crust

We're all in this together




We're all in this together

The NHS on its knees

burnt out and stressed

staff look for other jobs

concerned are not addressed

other countries know their value

and willing to invest

We're all in this together




We're all in this together

an inquiry in twenty years

will search for the truth

headed up by survivors

that had it in their youth

the rich will be exonerated

the poor must find the proof

We're all in this together

begging

The veteran of Afghanistan

Kuwait, and Iraq

his body is now healed

but memories come back




sitting outside the church

it being the Sabbath day

waiting for a few coppers

that might come his way




the parishioners file past

the pockets are sealed tight

there is not crumb of comfort

to sustain him through the night




the sermon is drab and grey

the parishioners are weary

the hymns chosen to lift the heart

are sung flat and dreary




the collection plate makes the rounds

a bountiful display

and for the beggar outside the church

they are all willing to pray




the beggar watches them as they leave

still hoping for a crust

as they look down at this fit man

so righteously in disgust

Mass

You can't use incompetent

considered very crass

if some thing is really dreadful

you now must use  MASS

mass test and tracing

where eejits earn more brass

mass vaccine roll out

the bottom of the class

mass school dinner funding

makes soup kitchens look world class

The cleaners tale

the alarm goes early morning

as the night still embraces

hurries to the underground

with no social spaces

up close and personal

to all the masked faces




has the low grade PPE

with a covering for her hair

busy staff push past her

as if she isn't there

they bump or step on her

and don't seem to care




she disinfects all surfaces

does it by the book

cleans floor and corners

every cranny and nook

they don't care what she's done

just how long it took




there is blood splatter on the walls

vomit on the floor

she wipes it up mops it down

as clean is was before

just another unscheduled task

just another chore




end of day she returns home

public transport willing

takes the time for some admin

a load of form filling

to earn the pennies from the millions

the company is billing




she is back in the ward

this time on a bed

ventilated and turned frequently

handled like she's lead

just a part time cleaner

the doctors note said




the ward is looking shabby

there is a cleaner short

if only they had a little time

or a little thought

cleaners are not essential

is what politicians are taught

The porters tale

he waits at the entrance

in the weakest PPE

not deemed that important

has no nursing degree

he's the first to meet the patient

in terror of a disease




he lifts them to the trolley

his muscles ache and burn

wheels them down the passage

that few will return

he doesn't know the patients name

there is so little time to learn




the patient lips are moving

to out of breath to speak

holds their hand out for comfort

the grasp so slight and weak

the porter rubs it gently

the future is looking bleak




there is no bed available

there is no treating space

there are no caring staff

for a patients trust to place

just a low grade porter

with a caring face




he has to move more patients

more bodies to remove

but returns to the dying patient

their anxiety to sooth

a caring touch of humanity

with no targets to improve




he was there at the dying

that no one was to blame

the system in total meltdown

that ministers shift the blame

on the toe a corpses label

too late they know the name




end of shift in the car park

of a hospital where patients die

in every car of care workers

burnt out they sob and cry

the porter coughs and is breathless

knows how he's going to die

planning

they plan for flooding
they make plans for draught
they make plans for national strikes
and when the food runs out
they plan for constant snowing
and the frost when snow glistens
local authorities plan for all
but no bugger seems to listen

the hand that rocks the cradle

The hand that rocks the cradle

the hand that rules the world

feeds anger into the boys

and enslaves the girls


controls the thought of future

rips up destroys the past

inserting snippets of false memory

hoping they will last 

longs for the returning

a home is always there

reliving all false memories

there is nothing else to share


the one that earns the wages

the one that pays the bill

they all hate with vengeance

and make plans to kill


they kill off all emotions

vindictive to the core

eradicate all hints of conscience

that's not needed any more