Yorkshire nativity

A Yorkshire man and his wife

was going down the pub

they'd been travelling all day

looking forward to some grub




eh up landlord do you have

a spare room at your inn

me misses is in the pudding club

and I think she's t' begin




'ave yea tried the maternity ward

at the cottage hospital

alas they've been cut backs

and all the wards are full




maybe you have a stable

to use as a crib and bed

as the tour de France has finished

you can use the new bike shed




does it have running water

where I can brew some tea

if it did I'd have to pay

the spare room subsidy




so in the shed in a mudguard

used as a crib

they used a Tetleys beer mat

when feeding as a bib




then on the satellite TV

sponsored by Sky

they announced a dancer is born

to kiss Brucie good bye




three celebrities from Strictly

with gifts for the new king

had myrrh scented gold lame trousers

that Frank said to bring




then came traffic wardens

and sheep rustlers in a car

there were more folks in the bike shed

than in the public bar






and so the pub landlord

feeling much aggrieved

said he would be mega chuffed

if you chav's would leave




so they did a moonlit flit

in a second hand ford Ka

and never paid the lodgings

or for the drinks behind the bar




so let this be a lesson

at this festive time

stay at home for Christmas

and watch the TV pantomime