Snow white

Max Clifford sat at his desk. He had many difficult clients with many problems but Muriel White was going to be taxing. His instincts said avoid, but he believes her, nobody else does. It’s a case of one side’s word against the other, and the other was Snow White, who is collecting maximum sympathy votes by being in a coma.

Snow White was made for the tabloid press, fair complexion and big knockers. She was media savvy. Spoke well, confident and fond of fluttering her eyelids at the right time. She looked so innocent, unlike Muriel that at best can only be described as homely with poor dress sense. Snow White played on sloppy journalism. Evil Stepmother innocent youth led astray by seven severely high challenged bachelors. Then there was the mirror.

Rex White did not marry Muriel for her looks, but for her accountancy skills. She is the only one that knows where Rex White’s money is. So many tax havens so many loopholes but Muriel knew how to play that game. Muriel had loyally worked for David Ashcroft until she was passed to Rex to be his personal assistant following a discreet donation to Party funds. Muriel concerned about her looks was given a computerised mirror that spoke to her in the morning, and told her she was beautiful. Rex may have programmed it to say she was the fairest of them all, it doesn’t now. Some one, (allegedly the computer literate Snow white) reprogrammed the mirror to say something different. It was mildly upsetting, especially as who ever did it had access to Muriel’s bedroom, and her personals!

Snow White could be described as wayward, a party goer, and a tad spoilt. She went to all the best schools, if you count St. Andrews, and met all the right people. Tipped to nab a prince until that Middleton girl flashed her knickers. She was not only living life fast but also drove fast. Muriel now has six points on her driving licence that she thinks was due to Snow White giving false licence details when caught speeding. There’s really no reason for Snow White to speed; she is not a cabinet minister or anything.

They had a falling out, not over the driving, or Snow White’s drinking, but over money. Snow White said she knew where Muriel’s Swiss bank account was. Muriel knew that Snow White was smoking pot. They fell out big time but agreed on a truce. Then Snow White told her father, and Muriel cut her allowance. Snow White flounced out. That would have been the last of it but for Snow White.

Snow White took up with seven miners, The miners were Colombian and habitually used Coca leaves as a mild stimulant at work. Snow White could see the benefit in refining the leaves, and embarked on mass production of Crack. Word soon got back to Muriel that Snow White was hard lining drugs, so she decided to do something about it. 

Finding the Grotto of the Seven one time miners (now drug Barons), she removed all the drugs and left them some wholesome food. The Dwarf drug cartel returning to the grotto went ballistic when they found the drugs had been stolen. They did not appreciate the fruit and vegetables left as payment for the goods. Snow White (Allegedly) restocked the drugs, and to cock a snook at Muriel injected the fruit with Heroin.

Muriel visited the grotto the following day and told Snow White to give up her wayward lifestyle and eat healthy, handing her an apple. Muriel had no idea the apple was laced with heroin. Snow White took the apple with glee and ate it. Unfortunately, Snow White overdosed on the Apple and went into a coma.

Snow White was declared brain dead, but Rex White would not give up and placed Snow White into a cryogenic chamber to await a cure. Snow White remains as young as she was the day she went into a coma, Muriel has sadly aged.

Detective inspector Prince, (known to his comrades as Charming due to his charisma bypass) has investigated the case and is working on a stem cell transplant and an antidote for the heroin overdose. When it has been developed it will be injected into Snow White. He can then charge her with drug trafficking and other offences.

Doc the drug cartels chemist and Dopey have become prosecution witness, after a clemency deal.

The problem for Max is the fact that the apple was actually given to Snow White by Muriel, a fact well known. Then there is the stupid Mirror saying the wrong thing. But you would expect that from a tabloid.