Melvyn the bored - float

Around the fires of the long houses the people of the North sit and tell tales. While outside the winds blew and soft snow fell, for the nights were long and the sun low and lazy only rising and setting each side of noon. They told Sagas and stories of times long gone when spirits took on solid form in the grand hall of Valhalla.

Of Odin, his throne and of the hammer of Thor

Of Tyr’s sword and armour the great god of war

When bad tempered magicians offer a reward

For those that play truant like Melvyn the bored.

In the school for the gods where knowledge was told

Apprentices learnt from magicians so old

That spoke in soft words with monotonous drone

The pupils would nod off and distraction were prone

In reception class seven poor Melvyn stayed

For in none of the exams a good score he made

So in the same class he is destined to remain

Listening to the same lessons again and again

As the teacher talked on in his most boring style

Melvyn in a miasma slipped out for a while

.

Huginn and Muninn the messenger of Odin followed on to see what trouble Melvyn would get up to this time. They should of told Odin of his escape from school but Melvyn was a kindly child that stroked Huginn’s rough beak and smoothed his course feather for Huginn was such a scruffy bird. Muninn also thought kindly of Melvyn for he loved to listen to Muninn’s songs and loved the sound of his raucous shrill voice

Melvyn the bored looking out to sea

Saw a young child in great difficulty

Nothing in those days would actually float

No one had invented a ship or a boat

“Save the young child” Huginn did cry,” you don’t want the poor creature to die.” “Oh no cried Muninn at this dangerous hour time to give Melvyn a little more power. So beating their wings power pushed down so Melvyn would stop the poor creature drown

Melvyn stood up feeling more power rush in

But what could he do, he could not swim

So he parted the water with a sweep of his hands

Leaving dry land just where he stands

So walking out deeper pushing the water aside

He grabbed the young creature before it died

And walked back to dry land brimming with pride

Then he wondered and looked out on the sea

Nothing stayed on the top of the sea, why should that be

If he found a way to reduce gravity

Things would then float on the top of the sea

And not sink to the bottom like heavy debris

Then lying on the ground he saw a stout pole

Made like all seams of black ugly coal

And thought if he only could

Take out the gravity and leaving just wood

Then it would float up on the sea

Without the black stuff of gravity

And so Melvyn cast a spell that all the coal seams would loose their gravity. As the gravity sank to the bottom of the sea, all the seams turned to wood, and grew tall and straight as high as they could. Wood that was growing had many leaves so Melvyn decided to call them all trees.

Melvyn was feeling smug and quite at ease

But was summoned to the gods who were really displeased

In the great throne room Odin sat with all the gods either side. All faces looked at Melvyn very few were friendly many with frowns fiddling in pockets in the hem of their gowns. Gay happy Melvyn was becoming quite down

Melvyn you fool can you not see

The predicament you have placed me

Humans are not stupid or as stupid as you

They will build boats and fill them with crew

Crew of the fiercest ugliest sort

That pillages and plunders for pleasure and sport

They will form Navies have battles at sea

Disturbing Aegirs’ peace and tranquillity

That’s bad enough but even more dire

This wood stuff will burn giving humans fire

Melvyn thought and argued his case

Boats will hunt fish not our sacred place

Will spend time afloat working as a team

The roads of the world would be kept to a stream

“But what about fire “Thor spoke in alarm

“Fire is hot, humans may come to harm”

“They will not find a use for fire you’ll see

It will not change a thing, I can guarantee”

Said Melvyn the bored” “you can trust me”

Then Odin spoke with his haunting refrain

From the stuff you call wood we have fashioned a cane

So the teachers can beat you again and again

Thus the making of wood brought with it much pain