Overheard One side of a conversation
“Good morning Numpty employment agency Chiron speaking how can I help you?
You want us to find you a cabinet of Ministers, have you read our terms and conditions,
You have, good the payment will be upfront in either US Dollars or Euro's.
Sorry we do not accept pounds sterling at the moment.
I know you have loads of them but we do not take Roubles
when do you want the cabinet by? Within 24 hours, that will attract a premium and payment in USA Dollars only. Do you wish to continue?
Good I'll need a few details Name please. Sunak with a K, any other names you are known by?
Apart from backstabber do you have a first name?
So Mr Rishi Sunak do you want your cabinet experience or fresh at the game , bearing in mind most MP's wont get out of bed for less than £90,000 and an MP's pay is £80,000. Experienced cabinet members will have collected some directorships of companies, advisers commissions and lobbying wages. Fresh MP's will not know these yet, and think a cabinet job is only £40,000 pay rise, so between one and ten, one being new to the job and ten highly corrupt. Seven, we can do a seven no problem.
Again one to ten, common-sense to blue sky thinking. Not quite sir we put Grease Mogg as away with the fairies, unless you want him in a cabinet? Quite agree best not, and another seven for you, would you take one with common sense? No problem , so on second thoughts its an eight for that.
One to ten, independent thinking, to do as they are told. That will be a nine for that then. I know we haven't asked you about loyalty as we are dealing with MP's. I am sure loyalty has to be earned, you have to give them something in return. We could do an appearance of loyalty if you wish. You want a ten for that, and why not!
One to Ten knowledge of the department, like a doctor running the NHS, One being highly proficient and ten just signing red boxes? A ten for, OK nine and a half don't want them too much out of their depth.
One to Ten, balance, black lesbian to white male heterosexual, seven for that
One to Ten, again on balance scientific to banking, a nine for that, and only if they got a degree for science but worked for finance.
One to Ten, empathy one feels the pain of the voters in hard times, to ten couldn't give a monkeys. Ten for that then
One to Ten, slogans to substance and a one for that
lastly Ministers without portfolio, those that you want in your cabinet as its too dangerous to leave them out sort of Chris Grayling type of thing, can't run a piss up but good in a party. No Grayling but you want Gavin Williamson, and Nadhim Zahawi, they know too much about past scandals to leave out.
Thank you for your custom a full list of the cabinet will be with your office in time for the six o'clock news.
Have a nice day, sorry some one on the other line, thank you again any time.
Kier nice to hear from you , and you want some clowns for a Halloween party, Scary or funny? Oh that's a pity we have just contracted out our scariest of clowns, they will be available in less than two years I should think, but not this Halloween. Thanks for calling
Again one to ten, common-sense to blue sky thinking. Not quite sir we put Grease Mogg as away with the fairies, unless you want him in a cabinet? Quite agree best not, and another seven for you, would you take one with common sense? No problem , so on second thoughts its an eight for that.
One to ten, independent thinking, to do as they are told. That will be a nine for that then. I know we haven't asked you about loyalty as we are dealing with MP's. I am sure loyalty has to be earned, you have to give them something in return. We could do an appearance of loyalty if you wish. You want a ten for that, and why not!
One to Ten knowledge of the department, like a doctor running the NHS, One being highly proficient and ten just signing red boxes? A ten for, OK nine and a half don't want them too much out of their depth.
One to Ten, balance, black lesbian to white male heterosexual, seven for that
One to Ten, again on balance scientific to banking, a nine for that, and only if they got a degree for science but worked for finance.
One to Ten, empathy one feels the pain of the voters in hard times, to ten couldn't give a monkeys. Ten for that then
One to Ten, slogans to substance and a one for that
lastly Ministers without portfolio, those that you want in your cabinet as its too dangerous to leave them out sort of Chris Grayling type of thing, can't run a piss up but good in a party. No Grayling but you want Gavin Williamson, and Nadhim Zahawi, they know too much about past scandals to leave out.
Thank you for your custom a full list of the cabinet will be with your office in time for the six o'clock news.
Have a nice day, sorry some one on the other line, thank you again any time.
Kier nice to hear from you , and you want some clowns for a Halloween party, Scary or funny? Oh that's a pity we have just contracted out our scariest of clowns, they will be available in less than two years I should think, but not this Halloween. Thanks for calling
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