dream land

Climb up on the chair beside me

And a tale to you I’ll tell

Of a happy land where friends call

With nothing they must sell

Where cars are very few

And there is no traffic jam

Most of the people happily travel

On buses train and tram

.

Children spend most days at school

And teachers love to teach

You find it’s just the clergy

Not politicians that preach

The police walk the beat alone

Keeping an eye on crime

Willing to show you the way

And telling you the time

.

The mail has your name on it

When coming through the door

If you have a debt to pay

The banks don’t offer more

Doors are always open

There is nothing there to hide

You can go to the city streets

And need not park and ride

.

Children have a mum at home

Grandparents live quite near

Aliens came from outer space

Not good people that you fear

Manufactures make spare parts

Machines are made to last

In this foreign country

The old folks call the past

Sitting

She's sitting in her favourite chair

In the cold window bay

She does not move or speak a word

she has nothing to say

The world that passes by her now

So fast and in a blur

Uncomprehending images

With syllables that slur

Hot food brought to her on a tray

With lid to keep heat in

Too weak to lift or to inspect

The contents held within

Untouched the tray is then removed

No one checks it to see

If she has eaten anything

of the culinary debris

Her hair once thick now fine as silk

Has seen no comb for days

There's no need to dress smartly

No compliment or praise

Her hygiene once so important

now taken for a bath

Only when she begins to smell

Attended by staff wrath

Her husband of some sixty years

she's not allowed to see

Is in an all male nursing home

Whose house sale pays the fee

She dreams at night of images

screams like one pursued

restrained to meet the morning

sedated and subdued

beggars

These beggars I see in the door

Are not the same as those before

In every town and every city

Modern down and out seek pity

No longer the casualties of war

Destroyed by carnage and gore

We sent them off to fight for us

When broken shells they disgust

In my youth the down and outs

That Orwell wrote so much about

Had their mind and body destroyed

Could not be gainfully employed

What war casualties are these?

With begging bowl and dog of fleas

On heroin and alcohol they suckle

Under our modern life they buckle

These young, our damaged seed

The casualties of our greed

They lost all not for liberty

But the evils of our society

blue

You think you are really cool

with Brylcreem in your hair

you pinched your dads old spice

and splashed it everywhere

you said you loved the blues

you thought the girls would care

you date the girl from form 4b

that said she fancied you

take her to the picture house

the darkness to pursue

exploring her curvaceous body

although told not to do

you slip your hand inside the bra

to find her far from willing

then you find the shapely curves

are just tissue filling

but she wants to watch the film

that she finds more thrilling

you walk her to her front door

your heart is beating faster

she smiles and says the evening

was less than a disaster

trying to kiss her good night

and think tongues you'll have to master

you try to be a gentleman

its the proper thing to do

next day she tells all her friends

what she thinks of you

you take respite in music

so you look for something blue

robin hoodie

Robin the hoodie streetwise and cool

With his image in decay

Though that theft was pretty cruel

As crime thought not to pay

He would give up his outlaw ways

Investing his new salvation

Borrowing from those that can pay

To indulge in speculation.

To the poor that could not pay

He lent more than they need

To buy houses with no survey

And stimulate their greed

Low payments made was not enough

To keep the money flowing

Other investors noses to the trough

Must keep the bubble growing

Bundles of his worthless bonds

Disguised to hide his crime

With other banks would correspond

Calling them Subprime

His merry band soon diversified

Spreading risk and traces

The insurance market they would try

Firm handshakes and embraces

Selling up and then buying gold

Before chicks come to roost

Living on the fat of junk they sold

From suckers they seduced

Now they sit watching money men

Far too stupid to mention

Repeating mistakes time and again

Reaping excessive pension

Laid Marion could never earn

Such bonuses on her back

Once city men began to learn

Control was less than slack

Alan a Dale picked up his lute

With a warning in his song

For the silly men in pinstripe suit

Believing Lemmings never wrong

lamming

Doors slammed shut with quite a sound

Children scattered for miles around

Sheep dogs scampered for their box

The only winner the hungry fox

.

Another lamming season in the hills

Where natures cares not who it kills

Favourite ewes and trusted friends

In cold heath land meet bitter end

.

Wives scatter or on best behaviour

Wishing all twins as the family saviour

Colostrum in bottles temperature right

Awake in the byre all through the night

.

Eye bags sagging deep and low

The sleepless shepherd to the pub will go

With other shepherds time is spent

Boasting lamming rates of hundred percent

economists

All the evils of the world

Are traceable you’ll see

They can all be traced back

To the LSE

Economist now rule the world

The petty little jerks

They know the price of everything

But not how it all works

letters on retirement

LETTERS ON RETIREMENT


FROM THE AGENCY
Dear mister misses mz or dame
Then they miss spelt my name
Written in an odd font
With the ink flow not the same
According to HR records
Your retirement is due
So from the chief executive
A happy retirement to you


May your days be spent
On a happy vacation
Though in the frozen North
You have our admiration
Thirty odd years you severed
Locally a rising star
But we still have not a clue
Who the hell you are




FROM THE LOCAL AUTHORITY


Thank you for your enquiry
The bus pass please find enclosed
Have you considered the expense?
Your retirement has posed
With the enclosed documents
We hope you travel more
Please accept the one way ticket
You’ll find for Bangalore




FROM THE INLAND REVENUE


We have noted your retirement
And the amount paid from pensions
So please fill in the form
Of savings you forgot to mention
We need all the financial details
Of your off shore account
We can’t see how you manage
With such a small amount

a call from the bank

I hear the telephone ringing

A stranger speaks to me

He ‘s my friendly bank manager

That sees I've money free

He says he has some great deals

If I’ would like some shares

They are good investing money

As long as its not theirs

He said he might have been too rash

Past actions will atone

Will treat me like a customer

If I gave the bank a loan

Will move the Banks call centre

To the next town near by

So I can use my dialect

Not English of Mumbai

He will stop sending me letters

For which there is a fee

And be open on Saturday

Closing daily at three

The interest rate on my savings

That in the past has been low

Will be increased substantially

Not back dated even so

The bank charges they stole with easy

When in great need and short

A rebate they might consider

So don’t take them to court

Because my simple direct debts

May have caused confusion

Exasperated I’ll leave the bank

For a credit Union

office machinery

The boss stood by the shredder
A paper in his hand
Scratching his head in wonder
At the machines he can’t understand
.
Can you work this for me?
The secretaries away
Gone to see a family friend
So has the half a day
.
This is so important
Time can not delay
So I found the button
And shredded it right away
.
Good said the boss
Smiling quite naturally
Just make three more copies
Before you go home for tea

Do not smile

In the seat he’s grumpy

A father of many years

Seen all the young grow up

And shed many tears

.

Cheer him if you like

He thinks nothing funny

‘Cos every time he smiles

Some one asks for money

A1

All the new year resolutions

I made at the midnight stroke

by the second of January

all of them are broke

The fault it was not all mine

but of the A1 road

amidst the swaying lorries

with unbalanced load

for there also was the sales rep car

the Audi and its kind

cutting up the traffic

or driving right behind

two fingers waving in my face

the horn blasting loud

amazing how these tossers

stand out from the crowd

revenge, I'll get a caravan

and a car with little power

and drive the whole of the A1

at thirty miles an hour

when to have children

When should you have children?
You can not leave it long
With the clock a ticking
And the sperm not swimming strong
.
Best to have them early
Be adventurous and bold
Think of child care arrangements
Before your parents are too old

evermore

Oh the days are long and dreary

off to bed feeling wearing

when there came a letter falling

falling through my front door

cluttering the hallway floor

from the department of pension

about a sickness I should not mention

and a visit I must make

so often have I made before

You are well and so in fitness

did this incompetent witness

remind me and what is more

keen on working never shirking

though I cant get past the door

I need a sleep I need a pill

for now I’m feeling very ill

let me go I did implore

your benefits we'll alter

if for work you fail or falter

they'll be gone for evermore

change

He was such a slob

His habits so annoying

But then after many years

Of coaxing and employing

There came a change over him

Ten years of being harried

Now she is complaining

He’s not the man she married

happiness

I never thought of happiness

The concept quite absurd

Life was just for living

Doing what I preferred

.

Then I met a lovely girl

With which I had to date

Married I knew what happy was

Sadly far too late

accountant visit

Farmer Brown is off to town

the accountant to meet

with bin liner of invoices

and the odd receipt

browsing the grubby pages

and margins full of notes

written in Browns spider script

the action he promotes

the removal of battery hens

the compassionate will approve

bigger pens for the sows

and farrowing crates removed

the hens that go out to feed

at night have nesting box

the egg laying down on last year

thanks to a greedy fox

the malting barley failed the grade

now only used as feed

the wheat grown for the bakers

was not quite what they need

the beef and lamb at market

prices never soared

are well below expected 

with cheap meat from abroad

the accountant said diversify

its the only thing to do

had he thought of ostrich

snake or kangaroo

as the accountant read on

he looked grave and ill

as he couldn't find any cash

that Brown could pay his bill