Leadership race last five

 

“Now political sport, Gary”

“Yes Huw we are at the hustings for the final laps of the leadership race. The contestants have picked their colours. Green and red obviously rejected, so the runners are in shades of Blue. There was a sinister Black but Priti Patel is out. So in dark blue Rishi mac sleaze face, In navy blue Liz Kinky boots, Royal blue Penny Boris with Boobs, Light blue Honest Tom and blue with Ukraine flag edging Kemi Badenoch.

The next hurdle was designed by the public. The runners will approach a hurdle and be thrown brown envelopes of £1000 to the left will be the old and pensioners to the right disabled and those in poverty, What will they do.

First at the hurdle is Rishi the lad. Nicely done grabbed wads of envelops in his right hand and flipped them into his back pocket. With his left hand he removed them and stashed the lot in an off shore account. I doubt if there will be a trail to follow.

Kemi has grabbed a handful saw people watching and handed them to a voter to dispose of as is best.

Liz has also grabbed handfuls stuffed them in her boots and strode off defiantly.

Penny saw the envelops and got her flunky to collect them, she will take a cut of the proceeds.

Tom walked past has no idea what a brown envelop is for, Should he be in politics?

At the end of this lap one more will be eliminated from the race. For some there is profit in this lap so far.

Now back to the studio to watch paint dry, Huw”

To the dogs

“and now time for sport, but not horse racing, I think we are going to the dogs, is that right Garry.”




“That's right Justin, normally we go racing from a well known venue but today we are at the dogs. The Westminster dog track. The main event is not run by well tuned greyhounds, but a motley pack of whippets.




Race goers will know how Big Dog cheated his way to being top dog. Well that was the past Big dog is down. Not brought down by the punters but by his motley pack of followers from the same kennel.




This race over a number of weeks will eventually bring forth a winner but it is not by racing but by manoeuvre. The race is in two parts , first is positioning the final race between two dogs is a straight run off. By far the most interesting part is the first part or manoeuvre.




Each dog runs around to get sponsors. Normally this is only eight backers. These backers are the bargaining chips.

The first round of the race each runner slags off the others. This is called the posture, shows what you are made of. At this stage no one is out to win only collect backers. The more backers you collect the more you have to bargain with to get a top job in the cabinet.




At the end of the first round the lowest backed dog has to withdraw, and this is where it gets interesting. The looser gets to choose a candidate they think will win and pledge their backers in support. This will ensure no new blood has a chance of winning, only ex cabinet members in the know and corrupt. The remaining candidates must know what job the defeated will accept. Its all bluff and promise.




After a number of run offs the field is left with two racers. Backers of the wrong candidate knows they have lost the chance of a job if they choose badly. This is where it gets brutal, nasty and ugly. For the punter it is pure blood sport.




Once down to two candidates it is up to the swivel eyed loonies to vote. The rhetoric and promises are bizarre. Remember the voters are not the general public but loyal Tory voters. So tough on crime anti Europe, down with Russia and China, bring back hanging, fill all potholes in the roads. and dual the A1 in Northumberland.




At the end is a winner, not the best person for the job, but some one that can accept favours, corrupt , and will promise to lower taxes on the super rich.

They will do as the bankers demand, pander to the press barons, reward donors with titles and privileges. They will then tax and punish the poor and sick. We are all in this together whatever the emergency.

They will stay in office until the general election where they will bribe the voters, promise the world and get the sponsors and press to destroy the opposition with propaganda and spin.




So Justin an interesting few years at the dogs, over to you in the studio.”

he will level up

 

He will level up

get more nurse today

fix the broken health service

but not give extra pay




get the trains running

all on time and clean

give a good start to babies

in a land so vibrant green




will help the struggling farmer

so hard to compete

will promise loads of money

to try and keep his seat




emergency services rewarded

struggling short of staff

will make them more efficient

with pie charts and graph




a leader of the people

doing what is right

cutting 10 percent of staff

to prove Brexit was right

A banker

A banker with his squillions

in his favourite spot

sipping champers with his friends

on his private yacht

showing off his art collection

and antiques that he's got




his money is traded during the day

and at night will accrue

by sacking his employees

and closing branches near to you

nothing mean or personal

it's just what bankers do




he pays for politicians

to Davos he will go

tell them to keep him rich

and prosperity will flow

unlike the jungles and rainforest

polluted and will not grow




even though incompetent

and motivated by greed

he is what we aspire to

a example of what we need

sacked still has a large pension

the bailed out bank has agreed

Big Brother universal credit

Welcome to Big brother universal credit.

Following unpopular poll ratings Government Ministers have agreed to spend a month on universal credit in the big brother house. Each minister has been given £10 on the electric metre and new electrical gadgets unlike what normal universal credit claimants start with. To help out with advice is Alice. She has been on universal credit since the lockdown. She was an office cleaner but has found it difficult to find a functioning office to work in


The Ministers are settling in, unpacking and ready to start the trial.

That's Boris out of power, he tried to charge his phone. That will cost him dearly with the electric metre on the wall. Electricity is more expensive for the poor, than the rich that pay direct Debit.


Gove has unpacked and has all his clothes on the bed. He must have done this before as a student. Extra clothes on the bed can reduce heating costs. Oh no. He has put the clothes away, silly move.


Priti Patel has unpacker her laptop plugged it in and settling down to do some snooping. She too is out of power and gone out to find a cheap café. Good luck with that.



Anne Marie Trevelyan, not use to living in one house has gone out. As Trade Secretary she hopes to get a good bribe or a free meal. She really is that cheap, and blatant.



Rishi Sunak has unpacked, checked the cupboards and found no sugar. Gone to borrow a cup at the cost 3 cups for every cup borrowed. If he fails to repay the cost goes up and the heavies pop round. In the Big Brother house you can't get interest free credit or access to a bank or credit card.




Dominic Raab, proving to be one of the lads will cook from scratch vegetables and cheap fatty meat.
Clever lad he has made enough for the week, but the fridge is out of power and it will be off by the morning. No affordable freezers in the big Brother house.

Liz Truss has become accustom to high living on expenses, has gone to dine out with a friend. She was handed a bill. Never had one of them before. She is spending the next two days in A&E, where she will receive cheap unhealthy food, supplied by a contractor that bought her a swanky meal in good times 


Alice has returned home after spending the afternoon on the circular line reading a book. Her evening meal is white bread, lard and jam. The lard is kept fresh in a bucket of water instead of using the fridge. She has changed into her night wear. Of two pairs of pyjamas and gone to bed. The bed is loaded with coats and clothing. She uses the last rays of sunlight to read her library book. No one has spoken to her.




Night night all

leveling up trickle down

Those financial government backers

that believe in choice

they can now afford

a brand new Rolls Royce

those that make the Rolls Royce

the finest British car

they can now afford

a brand new Jaguar

those that build the Jaguar

with parts from abroad

working loads of overtime

they can buy a Ford

those that build the the ford

that promise not to strike

they can get around

on a ten gear bike

those that build the bikes

wear posh trainers on there feet

so they can run faster

than muggers they may meet

porn?

 

Looking at the silver screen

pleasure to unfold

the beauty all in yellow

has been booked and sold

a handful symmetrical shaped

for handling in the dark

deep inside a crevice

for the passion to spark

arms alluring and delicate

hidden power there

uncovered and shining

naked and bare

yet sensitive to a gentle touch

of the manipulator

nothing but tractor porn

of a Combine Dominator