Honourable sweepers

A disgruntled council worker on being sacked recommended all road sweepers have the same pay and privileges as MPs. As the recommendation was hidden deep in the boring text of a report no one noticed and it was unanimously passed.

Junior council officials not questioning the report, implemented it fully.

Road sweepers were awarded £86,000 pay and expenses. Realising that they would only be employed for 5 years before re-election, the sweepers set about securing their future. Future pay would be as recommended by a pay review body, set up by the sweepers. There would be no upper limits to pay, and as the review body would be rewarded for how much they can get away with, a good pay deal would be guaranteed.

With no need to work, litter built up on the streets. The honourable sweepers spent their time at home claiming for expenses including meals, heating, lighting and all the latest gadgets for an office at home.

More litter built up on the streets and the council demanded action.

The Honourable sweepers now known as HS's decided to find out where the litter was coming from, and employed consultants,(claimed for under expenses). These consultants found a number of fast food establishments in the area, and were a major contributing factor. The HS's called a meeting with the food retailers. The food retailers listened to the concerns, and offered directorships of their companies with generous expenses to the HS's.

Litter continued to build up.

The council threatened the HS's either they remove the litter or? There was no or that the council could enforce, So the council appealed to the good side of the HS's. This worked, as vanity and self respect had replaced duty and hard work. The HS's employed sweepers, which they claimed for as unforeseen expenses.

The litter was at last being removed by Migrant workers, working for less than the minimum wage. Sadly it did not last as the people wanted to stop immigration. All migrant workers were arrested and deported, litter returned with vengeance.

The council employed a litter Czar. The Czar took his job seriously and classified litter into categorise of seriousness. For example chewing gum was a class A litter, Crisp packets class B because it could not be recycled. Failed lottery tickets were class D because they naturally decayed.

The HS's were offered a bonus for cleaning all class A ,B,and C class litter. The HS's were allowed to prosecute any one caught throwing litter, and fined severely. Any profit from prosecution was kept by the HS's. War on litter was launched. Litter was extremely profitable, and too good to stop completely. Sadly the amount of litter, far from diminishing had increased.

The council informed the Honourable sweepers that their contract would not be renewed, and they would not be elevated to the house of Lords unless litter actually reduced.

If the litter was reduced they may be rewarded with a new contract. During the negotiation the Honourable Sweepers promised to tackle the litter it they were first elevated to Right Honourable sweeper status. Which they reluctantly were.

The Right Honourable sweepers decided that sweeping was a pointless method of reducing litter as it still had to be disposed of. They found a company that made robotic vacuum cleaners. These robots operated day and night, patrolling designated areas, continually removing litter, and disposing of it. A contract was signed with the robot manufacturer, the cost being a new expense was claimed from the council.

These robots are in operation today, and use a vast amount of power. When all the robots return to base for recharging they can overload the national electricity grid and cause serious outages.


That is the root cause of the power cuts, not under investment over years of miss rule.