flattering

you sing like marcel Marceau
and dance like Mozart
debating of Charlie Cairoli
with the humour of Bonaparte


you are so praise worthy
it is almost earth shattering
that in my humble honest way
I can be so flattering

when the heart is racing

When the heart is racing

and rosy cheeks do glow

there's a tingling on the shoulder

and a twitching of the toe

the mind is often absent

that's how love will show




passing often past a door

longing for those within

dreams at night hot and damp

no fear of mortal sin

thoughts of normal gone awry

loves trickery begins




a craving that can not be quenched

purpose obscure and confused


the heart blames the logical mind

and claims it's being used

separation anxiety manifest

to a heart that feels abuse

I know she's wrong

 

I know she's wrong and she knows it

is a confrontation near?

Should I boldly proclaim I am right

or meekly say yes dear

yes dear

they work for us

They work for us the politicians

well that's what they say

thinking of us constantly

working night and day

making life much better

with rises in our pay




our nurses are important

is what politicians say

we look after them

working night and day

and think they work much harder

with no rises in their pay




we want a world of tranquillity

a world of constant peace

so they buy the biggest bomb

the latest masterpiece

annihilation is so threatening

the threat may now decrease




when the bombing starts

in the glorious war

we may need some nurses

more than we did before

but they have gone to better jobs

on a foreign shore

paddy's day at Cheltenham

 Because it was a special day

they thought about the pub

the Guinness the Bushmills

and all the lovely grub

but being in lock down

and not been let out yet

they thought about the racing

and thought they'd have a bet

Begora say Patrick

I think we'll have a go

the three thirty an Cheltenham

seems quite a show

there's Boris, and there's Matt

Liz Truss and Sunak

Jenrick, Eustice Raab

and more they could back

the race was for a furlough

with a handicap of mistakes

and all the runners dressed in blue

for the covid lockdown stakes

the horses went in the starting blocks

the starter raised the gun

all was back stabbing and positioning

before the race begun

get ready said the starter

a punter loudly said

shoot the fecking jockeys

tis a joy to see them dead

the gun went bang and they were off

there was no leading pack

thinking some one was to blame

they all headed back

the horses were busy grazing

the jockeys simply shrugged

so there will be a stewards enquiry

to find which had not been drugged

thin ice skating

Welcome to the international ice skating championships. Its a bitterly cold day but we have been assured the ice is very thin in some places. So a cautious approach needed by all contestants.


The first skater to take the ice was to be Meghan Markle. But there has been a name change and other complications. We will no doubt see her later.

So first up is Priti Patel, accomplished thin ice skater, has form, but can she lift the trophy this year.


Each skater must complete standard manoeuvrers in their performance. They must do a maximum of eight jumps, a maximum of 3 spins and one step sequence. Unlike other events you can be completely airborne and have no contact with the ground or reality. The judges today seem to like blue sky and mystical. So symbolic unicorns sunny upland is an advantage in this event.


Patel has started badly, missed her footing and sacked. But has made a recovery. Landed in a prime job, with a believing patron. Slight wobble on the staff treatment, bit of bullying seems to have done the trick. Good steady performance at total about face a couple of times. Mingling spin not needed may count against her. A total lockdown called for last March was pulled off, but seemed insincere. She seems unflappable. The bullying in the early part of her routine might come to haunt her. Otherwise a good steady performance.

We await the scores. Not bad 67 at a normal event it could even be the top score




Next up Grant Shap

Another from the bullying stable. It hasn't changed his outlook or performance. Nothing learnt, nothing new seems his best policy. Dancing in a transport mode, we can expect the same bluff and brass he is accomplish at. Starting his routine with spectacular hoop jumping. Well followed party line. Manage two backward jumps while still smiling at where he had been. Beautiful spin following a jump very impressive. Oh dear, going so well when a new variant skidded across the ice and caught him unawares. Quarantine not up to standard only 1% housed in quarantine hotels . Could be the end of a promising performance, but beautifully engineered spin at the end could save him. The crowd like him, round of applause there. Now the score 66.6. Not a bad effort


flash of sequins bit of glitter, it's the Gove up next.

Skating for Lancaster, Top job so far. Got a good turn with the Brexit hoop jumping, spinning well. Some of the spins are so fast it makes him look multifaceted. Slowing down a bit, empty shelf syndrome. Quick turn of teething problems and will be all spun out well. Looks a bit wobbly, not a very convincing performance. He seems to have done enough. We expected more from this star performer, but the spin seems better than a steady direction, and improved wealth.

Scores 66.6 could have done better


There is Gavin at the rink edge. So eager this lad.

Skating for Education, previous sponsor sacked him. Education what could possibly go wrong. We all want a good performance. We all believe in a prosperous future with well educated workforce. He doesn't need to shine, just not do badly. Tripped on the rink edge, not a good start. Now he is going for it all guns blazing, a hesitation. Stumbling at an Easter lockdown. Threatening teachers and parents, not going down well with the judges. A call for disqualification and end of the dance.

The objection is overridden he skates on. Lost his confidence no pizazz. He has hobbled his way to the end of the routine, but definitely no skater.

No score judges can not agree how bad he has been

The audience seem to have lost interest. So have the judges. So we will switch you back to the studio to watch paint dry.

Welcome back to our viewers. You join us at the presentations. To be honest the performers have been abysmal. Notable among the poor performances is Mat Hancock. We thought he was skating for the NHS but it appears he has other sponsors. The performance was so bad that catching Covid was his high point.

Sunak looked like doing a good job, failed on taxing his chums but cutting wages dismal score. I would not want to be him if he became ill.

Dominic Raab total wash out talked tough at friends, caved in with despots. Left Brits in foreign jails. Appalling performance

Robert Jenrick too busy looking for a full wallet to do his routine.

Liz Truss out on a limb but manage to do a deal with Australia which we already had. Scores nothing

George Eustice bold action saving the environment then blows it all with a neonicotinoids about turn mid air and comes down on the GM side of the rink. Blown the farming industry, cheap imports and over restricted home farmers. We don't know what his routine was all about. Did the Brexit sunny uplands but with no idea of where it will all end. We were glad when his routine finished.


All the contestants are lined up for the presentation. Its Meghan of Sussex. We knew she would be here but thought she was a skater on thin ice, It appears she is the highly paid guest celebrity. She will be presenting the awards in her own subdued way.


The ice is beginning to crack. The whole cast is being swallowed by the lake. They will be rescued? Sorry about that apparently they will not be rescued as the emergency services are all out looking for a well paid second job.


The lake is still, they have all gone . They will be missed. Sorry I've been told they wont be missed. Good news the ice is reforming, we may be able to use it again shortly.

Back to the studio

value for money

There is a shortage of nursing staff
with covid many died
respect and a living wage
the government has denied
foreign countries beckon
with effective PPE supplied


immigration controls at the border
that look at future pay
staff with medical degrees
are sadly turned away
meaning more acute shortages
of nurses that chose to stay


so they will have to pay agency staff
the shortages to affray
budget will be broken
patients turned away
This is value for money
healthy politicians say

an evangelical prays

An evangelical was heard to say

god answers him when he kneels to pray

in other lands every day

those in need most fervently pray

and yet no answer for that padre

as if the pleas have gone astray




they pray more in flood or drought

in pestilence they are devout

in famine and strife they never doubt

the good lord hears and will sort out

when there's no news an enforced blackout

then in a war when they're bombed out

there are an awful lot of prayers about




the evangelist prays are worth more

they have the money they implore

they pray so gusty with fervour

will spend some copper on the poor

and god loves them they are sure

and they will win a holy war