Sunday, 24 November 2019

Tory hunting the snark


The Boris was up front and blunt
you cowards he uttered with glee
I vanquished the usurper Hunt
so snark hunting you should follow me

the Gove was backward in glancing
the past was much better by far
said we should be cautious advancing
eating his Russian caviar

Sajid Javid once a banker
would finance the trip without debt
just like the two faced wanker
he's paid not a penny as yet

Dominic Raab in law was know to embark
world trade laws with the EU drafted
ideal crew for hunting the snark
with warped tangled web he had crafted

snarks are not in the Euro zone
so other countries they must try
travelling to other lands unknown
that good trade would imply

new countries they could trade with well
their most earnest of desire
great deals in trade they would compel
like the British empire did inspire

the trip was long and troubled
with mutinies and scheming
the spending sadly doubled
appearing more redeeming

to Trump they sought salvation
and trade a promising allusion
the terms had no deal trading nations
adding to bankers confusion

the snark had beat them to the states
and roamed freely at large
they lost principals and mates
for the snark was the Farage

Monday, 18 November 2019

black friday

Black Friday to cyber Monday
Spend daft Saturday buy crap Sunday
spend spend spend because you believe
there'll be nothing left by Christmas Eve?

socks


looking behind the radiator
I got a pleasant shock
after fifteen bloody months
I found the other sock


at times I was despondent
almost in despair
one of twenty single socks
has just become a pair

Friday, 15 November 2019

friend request


on a social website
quite unexpectedly
I came across a profile
that could be seen publicly

I knew the name I knew the face
it stirred a memory
so I sent a friend request
far from confidently

surprisingly I had a reply
and she remembered me
she would accept my friend request
quite happily
and hoped I wasn't the annoying shit
that I use to be

hell


they said that I would rot in hell
for my atheist belief
I'd suffer for eternity
with no respite of relief

so I googled trip adviser
not use to doing prayer
now I feel more confident
knowing no one has been there

pound shop


Off for Christmas shopping
the high street is where I'm bound
to find the shop of luxuries
that has everything for a pound

a hive of Christmas shoppers

queues are so intense
because they can't find a shop
that has all for fifty pence

great again?


Yes that land was great
nothing did it lack
they aimed high at the moon
and safely returned back

they had the best education
imagination soared
they fought for highest principals
at home and abroad

in war they were relentless
through heartbreak and toil
the aim had the highest value
of principals not oil

now big business runs the country
bigotry has free reign
the planet is another commodity
to barter and to gain



they hate foreign neighbours
although of foreign descent
how can you recover your greatness
when all self respect is spent

sales


crap in each shop window
crap ceiling to the floor
crap reduced to pre slump price
that's what sales are for

you didn't buy when in date
you didn't like the shade
so in the sales you bought two
for the savings that you made

hate


The Catholics hate the protestants
the protestants hate the Jews
the Methodists hate the baptists
and both hate the booze
the Muslims hate the Buddhists
wish their chanting would cease
all religions hate a holy war
but use it promoting peace

Monday, 11 November 2019

shame


hang my head in shame
for my onerous mistake
I sat down for a meal
and no picture did I take
it was just food on a plate
it didn't have the look
how the world now suffers
when it's not posted on facebook

security?


could you give your full name
the operator said with glee
then she asked my date of birth
a date known only to me
do you know my date of birth
I asked quite casually
she said I do it's on the screen
right in front of me
so how does my date of birth
improve security?

torture


I had a nightmare last night
it wears heavy on my chest
but freedom would be granted
if willingly confessed

and betrayed others

so wickedly oppressed
let the torturer have his fun
I honorably professed

in a room cram full of TV's

and each TV on they pressed
every screen displayed the same
Eurovision song contest

I tried to hold out as long as I could

but it took seconds to confess

white lie


a small white lie cast out
falls like a flake of snow
and finds a receptive wasteland
on fertile fields below

a white lie needs to settle 
to turn the whole world white
truth gives way to pressure
willing not to fight

as the whole world turns white
no shape can be defined
all below the the white canopy
is maliciously maligned

as the climate starts to change
as so many times before
the world is black with clinging mud
with the coming of the thaw

battle bus


waiting at the bus stop
for transport to come by
I took a bus six years ago
so I thought It's worth a try

along came a battle bus
because there's an election due
It wouldn't take me to the town
although I asked it to

it saw that I'd been waiting
for a considerable time
it couldn't transport me
but would be tough on crime

they want full employment

a job I would be due
they promised me four jobs
because you can't survive on two

they said they aim to cut waste

and prolong austerity
and cut back on the payments

to rich pensioners like me

deep sleep

oh sleep, oh sleep I yearn for you
I need to rest my head
I need to slumber deeply
in the rhythm of the dead
it's what the hypnotist told me
and I believe what is said

as I drifted deeper
I lost that panic attack
until I heard the devil say
there is no turning back
for we have all missed you
and we miss the craic

it's not the time for me to die
speeding upward I fled
a midst a group of mourners
thinking I was dead
so bitterly disappointed
now the will had been read







ladies day


Went to Kelso races
as it was ladies day
I didn't see many ladies
at the oddest fashion display

they tottered on giant heels
with no scaffolding in support
no safety net or harness
without a health and safety thought

Presecco in a flute glass
trying to impress
can a minuscule amount of fabric
still be called a dress?

bets put on at random
not looking at the score
I hope they win enough today
to put a mirror by their door

Sunday, 10 November 2019

Brexit


they voted Brexit not remain
retake control with little pain
but will be as they want it to be
with crumpets and afternoon tea
raising hat so courteously
nostalgia? or history
no croissant, but demanding toast
no cheek kissing for the host
a firm hand shake a look severe
pork scratching and warm flat beer
black pudding and a bowl of tripe
real coins to pay not a card to swipe
regain, regain, we'll take it all back
our football violence and the union Jack
we'll have barley water instead of wine
now our great nation is in decline



wait, I hear you say so bold
the world out there is far from cold
there will be markets, they will be found
for that cheep China tack we're a dumping ground
we will expand our culture just wait and see
with McDonald's and KFC
and those American crime stories on TV
to match the blandness of reality
we are a nation proud and bold
and we'll go to war when we're told
our independence we are fond
and will obey our orders from beyond the pond
work will depend of the colour of your collar
and the exchange rate between the pound and Dollar

Saturday, 9 November 2019

Harrods


I asked why he chose Harrods
what was the Harrods thrill
when there was a baptist church
halfway up the hill

the church is cold as charity
they do not have the trade
the opening of the doors
that footfall Harrods made

every opening of the door
a warming blast of heat
and the pavement outside
helps to warm my feet

when it's late at night
and Harrods closes the door
the huddling of homeless
will heat a little more

So god bless shops like Harrods
the government doesn't care
how many homeless use the store
or nightly sleeping there

bless you all at Christmas
use your high street more
internet shopping gives little heat
unlike a department store

Monday, 4 November 2019

the honest candidate

a young man with a pink rosette
came up to my door
it was an election colour
I'd never seen before


he said he was the honest party
that wouldn't tell a lie
ask me a question on anything
in honesty I will reply 

what about the NHS
will it get the funds required
and will I see improvement
before my life expires 

if you want better care
that we think you are due
well all that extra money
is going to come from you 

you must pay more for defence
if you want it to remain
and if you want fair and just laws
the funding is the same 

we could just tax more rich
but they pay sweet F.all
the highly paid accountants
got their training in Whitehall 

the poor can not escape
can not move cash off shore
must work hard in this country
so its your money we look for 

what about the American companies
can we claw some money back
you can, but then if you do
you'll get cyber attacks 

he said we should be more self reliant
buy British when we can
try to grow more food at home
and support our fisherman 

he said that he was honest
more than I expected
he shrugged and said not a chance
when I asked if he'd get elected

the silence

The silence just after when all is still and calm
Sooty bits of flotsam floating down midst the alarm
Groans begin to utter as the adrenaline rush subsides
Clothes ripped from the bodies lay waste sexual pride
Blood on every surface body parts abound
Deafened survivors press their ears to hear some sound
Few people have the where with all to take command
Evacuating people who can walk and stand
Cacophony of screams and far off sirens wail
Reporters talking picture that the editors will fail
Tears on seeking loved ones searching aimlessly

The day a religious bigot went on a suicide spree

too good to be true

 Slumped over in the public bar
Fondling a cold beer
Depressive mood for broken date
When he saw her sit near
Her hair was as black as charcoal
Her lips were rosy red
Her captivating eyes shone out
With summoning to bed

She started the conversation
His shyness held his tongue
Strange to see attraction drinking
Especially when young
The blush rose up filled his cheeks
He stammered nervously
I’ve just had a disappointment
Please share a drink with me?

They moved to a corner table
Where the lights dimly glow
And talked about the interests
The other one should know
Relaxed feeling comfortable
The drink flowed far too much
Inflamed with a burning passion
To caress her and touch

She asked if he could walk her home
The dark a friend to some
He readily agreed to it
She beckoned him to come
Glancing at the doorway mirror
For a quick inspection
But when she walked close behind him

There was no reflection