O'Mally
and Cromwell entered the bar..
“Yes
Pat”
“Whal'll
it be O'Mally” said Pat
“Usual
for Cromwell and I think I'll have some thing different.”
“Brave,
for some one your age.” said Doherty
“Well
if you must know, I watched the television last night, and they were
advertising a new beer from those that make the dark stuff.”
“Oh
a television, is it, that you have?” said Doherty “And I bet you
paid the 160 euros for the licence.”
“Well
I was borrowing it at the time, it being portable. As it is not mine,
in my house I don't need a licence.”
“Is
that so. I thought that the licence was for the house, not the number
of sets or types. So if you is watching TV without a licence, you is
breaking the law. and will go directly to hell, with all the adverts
that you may have missed.” said Doherty
“Ah
well that being the case I'll just hand it back I've seen what I
wanted to see. Have you seen the channels of kack they is showing. No
incentive to buy a licence.” said O'Mally
“So
what was the new beer?” asked Doherty
“Can't
remember, but all the smart folks are drinking it.”
“Pat
what's that new beer?”
“Dunno,
it's not Dublin here you know. I'll let you know when we get it. If
you are still alive. So for the time being, and the next forty years
what'll you be havin?”
“May
as well stick with the double X.”
O'Dell
entered
“I
see you is all drinking, tis a pity as I was in a mood to treat
yusall “ Said O'Dell “So I'd just be havin the usual then Pat.”
“And
why would you be treatin usall?” asked Doherty
“Cos
I have got me self a JOB.” said O'Dell “”with wages.”
“Holiday
pay, sickness, and pension.”asked Doherty
“Not
yet its only 16 hours a week, at present, but once they see me at
work, it will come, all the perks. Sure they not wish to loose such
an asset.”
“
I've had loads a jobs in my time.” said O'Mally “two timing some
firms, I was so good at it.”
“Is
that what they call multitasking,” asked Pay trying not to laugh
“Don't
be daft multitasking is what women do,” said Doherty “yer man
can't drink and think.”
“Yes
I can.” said O'Mally
“Prove
it.” said Doherty “Now I can't hear you thinking, so to be fair,
you must say what your thinking, while taking a drink. An if you is
talking and drinking, at the same time mind, I'll buy you a pint, if
you can't, you buy me a drink.”
“Yer
on.” said O'Mally reaching for his pint. “Now what I is thinking
is this...splutter splutter splutter.”
Doherty
and Pat roll around laughing. O'Mally looks down at his front, all
covered in Porter.
“Ruined
my best sweater.” said O'Mally “Yoos knew that would happen, fine
friends I've got. All ways there to take the proverbial, but never
there when needed.”
“Ungrateful
old bugger.” said Doherty “ when, weren't we there for you then?
“When
I was burgled.”
“When
was that? I don't remember you being burgled” Said Doherty
“That
was before Cromwell.”said O'Mally “It was the burglary that made
me think about my safety, I have not been burgled since Crommie came
to protect me. He's like a coiled spring that dog, waiting to pounce
on undesirable. Your a good boy.”said O'Mally turning to face the
dog. Cromwell was sleeping.
“well
any way, I came home from the bookies only to find the place
burgled.”
“How
did you know you was burgled?” said Doherty
“Obvious
the place was turned over, everything was all over the floor.”
“Right,
but how did you know it was burglary? Your floor is always full of
stuff, only use the cupboard when the floor's full, ain't that right
O'Mally?” said Doherty
“Well
if you must know, the drawers were empty and tipped upside down on
the floor.”
“Did
you loose anything, did you know what was missing?” asked O'Dell
“As
far as I can tell they was looking for summat but they couldn't find
it.”
“Now
why doesn't that surprise me.”said Doherty
“That's
it, my so called friend, laugh. You are just like Riley, He kept
laughing when taking the details.”
“Riley?”
said Pat
“The
one before, the one before, the one before Gard McPhee.” said
O'Dell being helpful.
“So
if nothing was taken, and they couldn't find anything. Why burgle
you. What was you hiding? Asked Pat.
“Well
there's the thing, I think it was a warning. I told Riley I thought
it was a warning. But he said he had no reports of Mr Neat and Tidy
warning scruffy Herbert's to put away there socks or else. He thought
he had a sense of humour, but I was traumatised I've never been able
to hold down a job since.”
“But
you was unemployed when you was burgled.” said O'Dell
“Oh
don't you know O'Dell, Yer man was suffering pre-trauma syndrome.
Knowing he would eventually get traumatised, the body goes into shock
in anticipation. It makes the victim incapable of work or a normal
life.” said Doherty.
“Oh,
I didn't know that.” said O'Dell “ You know loads of stuff
Doherty.”
“He's
havin yer on.” said Pat “there's no such thing as pre trauma
syndrome.”
“But
O'Mally was burgled. Surely there would be all the stress, before and
after.” said O'Dell
It
was time for all, to finish their drinks in silence.
“Same
again Pat.” said Doherty “Maybe O'Dell here, could treat us, now
he has joined the working class.”
“Oh
aye.” said O'Dell “You'll have to put it on the slate till pay
day.”
“Only
Joking.” said Doherty “Give O'Dell a fresh one, And top O'Mally
up, he looks like he could do with de-traumatising.”
“Well
O'Dell, you never told us what your life changing job was?” said
Doherty
“I'm
taking over from Flanagan, now he's been injured.”
“Postie?”
said Pat
“No
that was ages ago. He was attacked by a dog and was in hospital for
months, he was a dustman.” Said Doherty
“No
that was before traffic warden.” Said O'Mally “He slipped a disc,
with the bins, and was laid off for months.”
“He
lost his job as traffic warden, when they ran over his foot.” said
O'Dell “He's only had this job a week, but is now in hospital.”
“So
what was he doing?” said O'Mally
“Dog
Warden.”
Cromwell
woke up, and snared.
“You
a D person?” said O'Mally trying not to mention the word.
“I
start Monday, but it's nothing like you think. I just check for them
for chips.”
“Dogs
are not suppose to have potatoes.” said O'Mally
“Don't
be daft man.” said Doherty “He means identification chips. You
have a scanner, and it tells you, who owns the dog.”
“How
do you mean?” said O'Mally
“It's
a bit like the bar code in the supermarket. Instead of telling you
the price, it tells you the name and owner.”said Doherty
“You
has a poor opinion of me, Doherty but this time, I know you are
telling porkies. I've been to Dunnes and I've never seen them putting
as dog through the till.”
“It's
a hand held device, they find a stray, scan it, to see if they can
find the owner. If its not chipped, they take the dog to the pound.
Isn't that right O'Dell.”
“So,
what dog, would you do that to?” asked O'Mally
“
A stray, a dangerous dog.” O'Dell was aware Cromwell was now inches
from his ankle and growling.
“And
who says if a dog is dangerous.” said O'Mally
“Well
if it's not chipped, stray, or looks dangerous according to the Dog
Warden.”
At
the words Dog warden, Cromwell pounced and pinned O'Dell to the
floor.
“When
do you start.” asked O'Mally
“On
second thoughts, I'll go back to the FAS office and see if the
traffic warden job is still going.” said O'Dell, released from
Cromwell's hold.
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