A title for Boris

The cabinet had a meeting to discuss a title for Boris.

“Why don't we list all his achievements.” said Truss

“Too short a list.” said the Chairman

“Why don't we list what we will be remembered by” said Nadine Dorries

“ It will seem a bit too much like Nuremberg”. Said the cabinet secretary

“Well why don't we have a poll from the public what they think he should be called” said Shap

“Lord numpty mac numptyface will probably be the reply.” said the cabinet secretary.

“I know.” said the Gove “We all think of appropriate titles mix up the words like a slogan generator and see what comes out.”

The cabinet secretary read some of the words. “friend ,loyal, devoted, admirable, leader, defender of the poor, handsome.” I suspect that was yours Nadine” said the secretary.

The under secretary entered the room with a list.

“This list is what the public think of Boris, I will only read the less toxic responses .” said the secretary.

“Liar, cheat, sleaze ball, corrupt, villainous, murderer. Incompetent, egotistic, narcissistic, adulterer, ditherer, I think we get the drift.”




“So lord Numpty Mac Numptyface it is.” said the secretary

this valentine

I bought my love an opinel knife

and some baler twine

It's what a crofter always needs

so thought it should be fine

on old feed sacks drew some hearts

the colour looked divine

so I thought I was prepared

to impress this valentine

Her response was less than expected

and her language unrefined

investiture 2022

 

“Investiture list ma'am”

“Oh goody , I think I know some of these. I'll do this one ,this and this. Who?”

“Singer, modern.”

“William can do that one. This one.?”

“Environmentalist.”

“Charles can do that one”

“Scientist, that one did something with a vaccine as did the next two.”

“Charles can do them. This one ?”

“charitable works, ran a long way, also plays sport.”

“What sport?”

“One of the rugby's ma'am”

“Charles. And these two?”

“Finance, service to the Nation.”

“What service?”

“Wallpaper and carpets, Downing Street”

“Can't we let Harry do them?”