Doris, Mabel and Cinderella

Fairy Nuff had enjoyed her leave in Never Never Land but was tardy in her return. She was placed on defaulters and marched in to the Fairy Queen's office by the Master of Wings. “Left, right, left, right.” barked the Master. “Fairies halt. Fairy Nuff able fairy second class, is charged with being absent without leave from Fairyland for five wishes. As Fairyland was due to sail for the next rainbow, and Fairyland under sailing orders. The charge is aggravated. How do you plea.”


“Not guilty your majesty. I am a hard working fairy, never been in trouble before your majesty, I was late, not absent.”


“Absent you was. You was not 'ere. if you is not 'ere , you is absent of being 'ere.” said the Master


“ I was present in spirit, and fairies if nothing are all about spirit.” said Nuff


The Queen of the Fairies looked at Fairy Nuff's service record.


“You claim you have never been in trouble before Fairy Nuff but your service record is long and complicated.” said the Queen.”For instance Snow White.”


“Ah well that wasn't actually me. There was a bit of confusion of who had the case. Dwarf's can be so pedantic especially Worktorulie.”


“I don't remember a dwarf called worktorulie.” said the Queen


“Dopey, changed his name by deed-pole after the event, now head of Royal Bank of Scotland. Apples, not a fairies job description. Fairies don't do weeding, not gardeners,”


“But weren't you responsible for health and happiness, it appears to me that the tittle of worktorulie was applied to the wrong spirit.”


“Point taken, but at the trial I was acquitted. So it should not be on my service record.”


“Quite so.” said the Fairy Queen,”However, I, ordered all incidents to be recorded even if acquitted. It gives a broad picture of your service. I note here, Hansel and Gretal, Rapunzel, Rumplestiltskin, young Ella, Red Riding Hood, The wolf and the seven little Kids, goose girl and the well. The list goes on, not guilty, not negligent, not doing anything wrong, no political wrong doing. But one has to wonder how one Fairy can be mentioned in dispatches so often.”


“Happenstance your Majesty.” said Nuff


“I've made up my mind, you will be sent to earth to assist the Fairy godmother for three spells.”


“But she's a..”


“Careful Nuff, language in front of the Queen.” said the Master


“Ah yes you have worked together before, let me think. That was it the frog Prince. Neither of you covered yourselves in glory.” said the Queen


“ Not my fault the frog kissed a moth, and was eaten by a bat.” protested Nuff.


“Three spells with the Fairy Godmother on earth, about turn quick march ,left,right,left,right,left,” barked the Master.


The Fairy Godmother was her usual disorganised flustered state.


“Too much on my plate looking after Cinderella to bother with the others.”


“What others?” asked Nuff


“Doris and Mabel the step sisters. They are so, so, awkward. They never want what is right for them. I order you to look after the interests of Doris and Mabel. I will tend for that gentle soul Cinderella.” said the Fairy God Mother


“Okey Dokey.” said Nuff


“No” said the Fairy godmother “when you understand an order you say aye aye Mam, and I reply very good , so you know , I understand, that you understand. Do you understand, we must get things done correctly.”


“Aye, Aye Mam.”


“Very good.”


“Okey Dokey”


Nuff found Doris and Mabel hiding in the study. They did not look happy and seemed to be scheming.


“what's the craic?” said Nuff


“Who are you?” asked Doris


“I'm your guardian spirit, your personal fairy, to help you through life's problems.”


“You don't look like the Pope.” said Mabel


“No I'm Nuff, the fairy, assigned to your welfare.” said Nuff


“Nuff said.” said Doris


“Heard that one.”


“Nuff of that.” said Mabel


“Heard that as well, and as we live for thousands of your human years, and been in contact with humans for more years than I care to mention, I have heard all combinations of Nuff and had enough of them.”


“Sorry.” said Doris “How can we help you?”


“No, I am suppose to help you, assist in your wishes although legally don't actually grant wishes, not yet qualified, but I enable them. For example if you have an irksome problem, I can normally assist with that. Do you have a problem?”


“Cinderella.” they both shouted.


“Your sister?”


“Step sister.” said Doris “ she is so infuriating so stupid. She can't speak a sentence without, whatever, like (numerous times) and that stupid giggle. It drives you mad. She is such an airhead.”


“Big boobs.” said Nuff


“Yes big boobs, flashing eyelids, blonde hair and a total plank.” said Mabel.


“Daddy is sure he could never marry her off, and will be stuck with her into his old age. So he hatches a plan to marry one of us off to Prince, thick as a brick, Charming. When Prince is King, and we are married into royalty, some grovelling courtesan will want to marry her. It means one of us will be stuck with prince (don't you just love Sky sport) Charming. Prince Charming has a thing about red hair and boobs.”


Nuff could see they both had red hair, and although not in the front of the big boob queue they were standing in the right place.


“Why don't you marry Cinderella off to Prince Charming?” said Nuff


“Blonde hair.” said Mabel “and not even thicko Charming, is that thick, as to want to spend time with her. That's why Daddy is hiding her away, in the kitchen, and sending us to the ball.”


“Well you might like the ball, and might find another Mr. Right that could attract some one to Cinders.”


“Hate dancing.” They both yelled.


“What do you like?” asked Nuff


“Biology, anatomy and most of all Botany.” said Doris


“Physics, Mathematics , chemistry and just love reading, especially quantum mechanics.” said Mabel


Nuff realised she had a problem. “You obviously must go to the ball, or your parents will go ballistic so we must try to make you unattractive to Prince Charming. If I can remember my spells book there is a wonderful, dye you can make with a pumpkin. We can organise realistic chaperones with a couple of rats. It won't last long, but for a few hours the rats will look like they could do two rounds with Mohamed Ali.”


“Who?” Doris and Mabel asked


“Sorry forgot you don't do sport. Quickly go and get what I need.”


An hour later the girls returned without the objects, for some reason they had disappeared from the Kitchen and so had Cinders.


“Oh dear said Nuff that only leaves drastic action. Injections!”


far from trustingly, the girls took the injections. The first two were to numb the mouth so often used by dentist. This would ensure the mouth drooped and saliva constantly flowed from one side of the mouth. The other injections were in the top of the leg, so it would drag along the floor and be impossible to dance. With the application of Ken Dodd wigs and pale make up to make them look as if they were about to throw up. The girls were ready for the ball.


To their surprise Cinderella was already there and dancing with Prince Charming. “What do they call you, you pretty thing?” asked the Prince


“Cinderella Anders. “Cinders replied


“Are you related to Jimmy and Harry Anders that played for Accrington Stanley in the 1950's.”


“I don't think so .”said Cinders “You are so clever for a Prince. You must know a lot.”


and as they danced past the girls, they could here the occasional “whatever” from the Prince and Cinders and the annoying high pitched laugh they both had.


The injections were beginning to wear off. The girls went for some fresh air on the balcony. On the balcony was the Royal Botanist and the chief Librarian bemoaning their fate, if the Moron became King. They were convinced, that in an effort to dumb down the population, all libraries would be closed, and royal parks sold off for retail parks. The girls had a surprisingly wonderful and intelligent evening. Next morning a royal proclamation was read to say that who ever fitted a glass slipper, Prince Charming would marry. The Botanist and Librarian were horrified and rushed round the the girls house just to check they were not size four and half, broad fitting. Sadly they both were. The girls were not wearing their stupid wigs or had their chests tightly bound. Both men were astounded at the beauty and intelligence of the girls.


They had to stop Prince Charming and the slipper fitting ceremony. Fairy Nuff was summoned.


“Well normally I would recommend pregnancy as a sure way to make the feet swell, but I assume that is a bit previous. I do remember a potion discovered by Doctor Jekyll. Providing we reduce the amount the effects will only occur once and have no lasting effect.”


“What will be the effect?” the girls asked


“I'm not sure but it will be polar opposite in character and shape to what you are now.”


The slipper fitters arrived at the door, to be confronted by Cinders, Angela Merkel, and Margaret Thatcher. They didn't hang around, but whisked Cinders off to the palace, where Prince Charming and Cinders lived happily whatever, like.


What of the girls? Doris married her botanist, and had two daughters Astra and Zeneca Mabel has her own library called Barter books. Her children are studying to be authors by doing a creative writing course. Both adore poetry, so are quite content to live without money.