Saturday, 21 December 2024

grumpy goes to town

When old grumpy goes to town
I can't help but wonder
if all the traffic wardens
are trying to steal his thunder
with a cut in winter fuel allowance
it is a colossal blunder

the shops flood with music
a cacophony of sound
anything that could hold a tune
nowhere to be found
at the end of the hideous noise
the bugger is rewound

of course its time for presents
a time for seasonal toys
there'll be hand guns for the girls
and repeating riffles for the boys
which means bullets in primary schools
and security guards employs

off to spend the gift cards
from cards that lit the fire
loaded the shopping trolley
with Chinese crap so dire
but never read terms and conditions
and the date they all expire

grumpy out of pocket
and really in a mood
at least its a festival
so bound to be good food
offered canapés and vol-au-vent
how could they be so rude

Friday, 1 November 2024

god save the king

 

God save the King

may your illness not dismay

may you get financial aid

not deduction of your pay

may you hospital appointments

arrive not go astray

may you arrive in time for treatment

with no transport delay

may your castle be well heated

with no meter to prepay

may your doctors not be on strike

and be cheerful bright and gay

may your treatment be like your subjects

in every single way


feeding sheep

 

Down the muddy pothole lane

the rust flake pick-up goes

to the fields of sheep

of ewes with tales of woe

cold lambs risk of dying

now ewes udders cease to grow


there is food in the back

scarce this time of year

to sprinkle on the ground

for any sheep that's near

lambs with hypothermia

will not meet the auctioneer

computer love

Those whiz kids of computing
 thought the future would be bright
 if they gave computers emotions
 and left them for the nigh

 To see computers in love 
they couldn't be much keener
 one computer loved the toaster 
the other the vacuum cleaner

Saturday, 11 November 2023

The Poppy



he goes to the bedroom draw
to get a poppy of yester year
a poppy he has worn before
when the economy was less austere


but he has never bought one
the poppy had been discarded
glistening in winter sun
unwanted and unguarded

it will get its yearly outing
pined to a cashmere coat
this patriotic shouting
of a cause worthy to promote

when the parade is completed
and official cars withdraw
a symbol of a charity cheated
will be put back in the dra
w

Sunday, 6 August 2023

Trump will stop war in Ukraine - possible conversation

"Yo Vlad, its me golden boy Donald."

"Who?"

"Donald Trump , Your pal remember?"

"Ah yes golden showers boy, what do you want?"

"I think it would be a good idea if you stopped the war in Ukraine"

"fine we stop fighting, will only fight if attacked."

"But your troops are in Ukraine, they are bound to be attacked occupying a foreign country."

"Not foreign country, we take, now ours." 

The Ukrainians don't see it that way, they say you started war."

"Not war special military operation."

They say special military operation invaded their country, took land, prisoners and abducted children. Ukraine wants them back."

"That bad idea no grounds for peace talks."

"I want to bring peace, what is it you want?"

"I want Ukraine, people, oil, food and no interference from NATO, and lift all sanctions."

"We can't do that, any other proposals?"

"Stop supplying Ukraine with weapons, stop political support."

"can't do that it would be politically difficult"

"Can't see a problem, you sold out the Libyan army, the free Syrian army and the Afghans. You threatened to cancel NATO. We are not asking for anything you have not done before. Simples!"

"I don't think I can do that."

"OK we still have the videos in the shower!"

"I may not get elected."

"We get you elected, you pull support for Ukraine, or we give you Wagner group."

"Its a deal , I'm good at making deals."

"So you are Mr. President, so you are."

Friday, 7 July 2023

Hospital visit

 

Dear ward 15 Wansbeck Hospital

I attended Wansbeck Hospital ward 15 on 6th July 2023 for a key hole hernia operation.


After 12 years at sea I spent 32 years in an emergency service, 26 years as middle management.

I know the effects of reduced station capability, station closure, budget cuts, and staff cuts.

The Wansbeck hospital had been degraded from A&E with the new build at Cramlington.


The media including the BBC are castigating health service staff for unrealistic pay demands.

Junior doctors, consultants, and nurses have all balloted for industrial action. I had grave misgivings about my proposed treatment and was pleasantly surprised.


We left home far too early to avoid traffic delays and arrived at the hospital over an hour early. Better to sit in the waiting room than the car, we entered the waiting room before any staff. Before we sat down, staff arrived, and asked us to take a seat. Before I got my coat off I was called to the desk, where I was booked in. On completion told to take a seat. As I sat down I was called to the desk and told I would be escorted to my bed. A nurse arrived led me away leaving Kathy to discus procedures with the receptionist, She was very pleasant, courteous and informative .


At the bed I was shown the locker and my chair, informed a nurse would be along shortly. Before I managed to fold my coat up the nurse appeared ( forgot her name,) she checked the records, who I was, secured the wrist band and tested, blood pressure, pulse and took a blood sample. She gave me the highly fashionable surgical gown and socks , instructing me how to fit them. The next patient arrived , also early. Most organisations with early or outside time limits would have been in meltdown or abusive. All staff were extremely helpful and put our minds at rest. I had time to catch up on a book.


The next visit was from two very pleasant nurses to check the wrist band, was who I was , and it concurred with the paper work. They gave me paracetamol and ibuprofen for pain relief.


The next visit was the Anaesthetists to explain the procedures, check all was fit for anaesthetic. She was extremely helpful and courteous.


Final visit was the consultant Lorna Dunn with Rachael her assistant. After a short inspection and some marking on the skin, She explained the procedure and the possible complications, such as the hernia may require more evasive surgery if key hole was not possible . Rachael the assistant smiled broadly and nodded vigorously  when Doctor Dunn said she would do her best and was confident she could do it. Clearly these two worked well as a team and both competent, and confident with the others capability. Very rest assured.


After a short while I was wheeled into a room, checked who I was and what I was in for then wheeled into the operating theatre. The Anaesthetist explained again what was going to happen, as did Dr. Dunn. Then painlessly off to sleep.


Waking was slow I could hear a soft spoken voice calling my name and asking if I was awake. Slowly the mist cleared and Brian was smiling and asking if I wanted pain relief. I didn't but he was insistent until the effects wore off. He eventually realised that I still did not need pain relief and helped me drink some water. The first thing you see in the world is a smiling Brian willing to help, makes you think life is good and worth living.


After tea and biscuits the passing of water I was allowed to leave, Met Kathy in the passage way, an embrace of relief, and left the ward without a backward glance, or thank you.


Respect can not be expected, ordered, or demanded it can only be given. All staff treated me with respect and utmost courtesy. All staff and management of the ward deserve the respect I have for them.


Thank you

Derek Goggin (pensioner)


PS please do not feel obliged to reply, I would hate to think I was wasting any of your precious time. Please thank all the staff, and the ones I did not see like the Cleaners, porters, admin and logistics that made the system work so well.

Thank you again