Greed Poker

Good evening. You join me at the most unusual event in the calendar.

This event like the Olympics happens ever four years in theory. However due to dysfunctional administration this is the first event for 25 years. Welcome viewers to the greed poker finals.


We have players from teams. The teams that made the final this year are Agribusiness, a perennial at the table, won this event many times. A confident player. The food industry. A new comer to the game with loads of talent and initiative. The military always a strong player, and finally banking and finance, won many times in the past, a bad loser.


The devil is said to love poker, but no sign of a team, but then he could be playing incognito or sponsoring one of the players. It is hard to tell who isn't sponsored by the devil .


The dealer is chosen at random from what is perceived as an honest broker. It is hard to find an honest broker, and when you do, they refuse, not wanting to be associated with the corruption of the players. We have had refusals from Amnesty international, Human rights watch and the world health. This year the only candidate is Santa Claus.


The green baize table is super wide to allow for social distancing and the cards dealt by barge pole.

Santa has dealt the first cards successfully and the military has placed a bet. The stakes are one Liam Fox. Was a defence secretary sacked for lying, great Brexiteer. They have all covered the bet. They are all in, and yet no one has seen a card. This surely must be a bluffers bluff.


Two cards dealt, no further raise of the stake, no one has looked at their cards yet.

Three cards dealt, Agribusiness has looked at their cards and raised the stakes by one Theresa Villiers. Villiers was an environment secretary promised all to both farming and environment, lied to both. All covered every one but Banking looked at their cards.


Interesting Banking has raised one Neil Hamilton blind. That means all players must double the stake to stay in. All players gone for Neil and Christine Hamilton, pair of crooks that became TV celebs. Banking seems to be going for bankrupt strategy, to force the pace. All players still in the game. Santa has dealt all 5 cards. Players looking at their cards except banking. A very tense moment. Military has place their cards on the table and raised one Robert Buckland. Sharp intake of breath from the audience. A Present Cabinet minister keen Boris supporter tipped for seedier things.

Other players covered, all still in the game.


Banking has raised the stakes one Sajid Javid. Very high bid, once tipped for higher things, was forefront in Grenfell Towers incident, promised to leave no tern unstoned but did nothing.


An eerie silence has descended all players eyeing the others intently. One must be bluffing. Food has raised one Robert Jenrick. Here is a man that knows how to take favours. Agri raised one George Eustice, highly incompetent in all but spin. Military raised one Priti Patel. The banking team crack and look at their cards. Is the stake too high. Some bum shuffling and sweaty palm to be seen. The game continues all players still in. Military raised one Grant Shap they must have a great hand to bid this low life weasel.


Agri counters with a Liz Truss. Food has folded. This incompetent wazzack too much for for horse meat and dubious food ingredients.

Banking has raised One Gavin Williamson. That's it Agri has gone, cruel use of a utter incompetent lying rouge. Just banking and military left, both staring intently. Military makes the move. The bid One Matt Hancock. The audience reel back, what a bid must be the worst of all lying incompetents.

Banking raised One Gove . This must be it the ultimate cheat liar and incompetent. Nothing could be higher. Military covers still in the game. What more can Banking do, are they bluffing?

Banking looks at their cards again, Military gives the cold emotionless stare. Banking leans forward and raises One Boris Johnson, the most incompetent and deceitful holder of high office. Must be game over?

Military looks at their cards. They order drinks and a towel to dry sweaty palms. The Audience waits for Military to fold or see. Is the bid too high?

Military pulls from under the table in the gutter one Dominic Cummings. Banking has gone, didn't even pay to see. What a bid. The highest you can place before a military coup. Was it the threat of a police state that forced banking to quit after so much support for Johnson? We will never know, and we will never know what cards the players were holding.


What a night, Military a clear winner, police state round the corner civil liberties under threat. On that depressing note we return you to the studio.

Hugh

Glory hallelujah

Glory hallelujah

hallowed be his name

he made and formed your character

so you're not to blame

all the evil things you do

is just a pity and a shame




god is on our side

the generals reassure

it's on your belt buckle

your mission is pure

in a world of slaughter

your legions are the cure




god knows your inner thoughts

and likes what you think

he is the one alternative

to toxic drugs and drink

you may need a priestly absolution

but you'll never need a shrink

Glory hallelujah

You think we need to pray more?

The once verdant forest

now a field of mud

the climate oscillates constantly

from severe drought to flood

indigenous forest dwellers

lie in pools of blood

You think we need to pray more?




There are riots outside a mosque

a desecration of a shrine

death threats to a journalist

that ridiculed the divine

churches are just empty shells

congregations in decline

You think we need to pray more?




Weapons of mass destruction

in the hands of the devout

refugees crisscross the globe

Governments keeps them out

successive empty collections plates

from congregations of doubt

You think we need to pray more?




Religions fight religions

in their holy war

death tolls are higher

than any war before

only the accountant

has a monetary score

You think we need to pray more?